comedy4cast #884

Dog Days of Pumpkin Spice Season

Odd News Times Twos

"Inconvenient Art Rocks"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

SIR PATRICK STEWART................HIMSELF

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

CLINTON

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 884, "Inconvenient Art Rocks".

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Oh, hi! Clinton here. Welcome to the Dog Days of Pumpkin Spice Season.

YEAH, August got away from me -- AGAIN! So, this is another edition of my unofficial extension of Dog Days. For more information on that, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

This year I'm provide you with EVEN more totally useless Odd News. In fact, TWO Odd News stories that I think deserve each other. So, let's have some fun with "Odd News Times Twos"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORIES NUMBER 1 AND 2 ARE COMBINED.

SFX: TRAFFIC.

CLINTON

You may recognize this as the location of a convenience store. Or, more specifically, a 7-Eleven store. By the way, did you know where that name came from? Back in the 1940's it was unusual for a store to be open from 7am to 11pm, so the store name played that up.

Of course, these days a lot of 7-Elevens are open 24 hours a day. So maybe they should update the name to something more appropriate, like, say "Store 24." Hmmm. Already taken? Okay. Carry on.

Where were we? Oh, right, about to head inside this Seattle store.

But first, we need to head up to the Great White North!

SFX: ELECTRONIC WHOOSH.

CLINTON (cont'd)

here we are in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada. Not only is this apparently the home of sassy toons, it's also the location of a new three-piece work of art.

Art that's certainly getting a reaction.

Earlier this year, the city of Saskatoon purchased the installation as part of the city's public art policy. That directive incorporates public art into civic capital projects. Not a bad idea, right? Who doesn't need a little culture in their life -- and their yogurt.

SFX: CHILD SAYING "YUM YUMS".

CLINTON (cont'd)

This particular public art installation, called "Modern Erratics", was created by THE Calgary-based artist duo Sans façon. One part was placed in Diefenbaker Park, the second in Saskatoon Forestry Farm Park & Zoo and the final part can be found at the city's landfill.

So, what has some locals in an uproar? Perhaps it's the fact that "Modern Erratics" is, in fact, a trio of huge plastic rocks.

SFX: ROCKS HITTING THE GROUND.

CLINTON (cont'd)

That's right. The installation consists of three massive artificial rocks that were inspired by the glacial erratic rocks scattered across Canada's prairie region.

SFX: ROCKS SCRAPPING ALONG THE GROUND.

CLINTON (cont'd)

What separates these stones from the ones the glaciers dragged to the Prairies is that "Modern Erratics's" three rocks are made from post-consumer plastics recovered from Saskatchewan and across the prairie region. Things like recycled grain bags...

SFX: BAG TOSSED TO THE GROUND.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Bottle caps...

SFX: CAP BEING TWISTED OFF BOTTLE.

CLINTON (cont'd)

And broken residential waste carts.

SFX: SQUEAKY WHEELS OF CART.

CLINTON (cont'd)

The materials were diverted from the landfill and transformed into permanent public artworks.

On paper, that sounds like an inspired project.

SFX: PLASTIC OBJECT BEING COMPRESSED.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Converting more than 10,000 pounds of plastic waste into a "thought piece." Tristan Surtees is one of the two artists behind Sans façon, says the artwork is an invitation to think about our place in modern society. "Hopefully people take a moment to think about Saskatchewan and its landscape and the material we're using and how we use them."

Unfortunately, speaking about the use of resources, the final price tag for the installation came to nearly $300,000 Canadian.

SFX: CASH REGISTER BELL RINGS AS CHANGE DRAWER SLIDES OPEN.

CLINTON (cont'd)

And spending around $100,000 a piece on three fake rocks? Well, maybe you can appreciate why some people are a tad upset.

Celene Anger, the city's community services general manager, defended the art installation, saying that public art is part of building a vibrant and welcoming city.

Meanwhile, Prairie Director, Gage Haubrich, had other thoughts, saying “I can’t believe I need to say this: Taxpayers shouldn’t be paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for plastic rocks.”

It's hard to believe that plastic rocks have gone over like a lead balloon. But we can't stick around to see if these things gather artificial moss, because we need to get back to that store in Seattle!

SFX: ELECTRONIC WHOOSH.

SFX: CITY TRAFFIC AMBIENCE.

CLINTON (cont'd)

That thing is starting to make me dizzy!

SFX: STORE DOOR OPENS.

SFX: BUSY SHOP INTERIOR

Once we step inside, we notice that there's something different about this 7-Eleven. For instance, there are shoulder bags made out of old Cheetos and Lays packages. Here's a handy container of "Mortal Salt". Oh, and here's a candle that doubles as a yard stick. It works great, as long as you don't try to use it as a candle.

SFX: MATCH STRIKES AND IGNITES.

SFX: MAN YELLS "NO!"

CLINTON (cont'd)

How about this "landline iPhone"? When you try to answer a call, it only plays "Vertigo" by U2. Hey, at least it's not the entire "Songs of Innocence" album.

MUSIC: A FEW MEASURES OF ROCK MUSIC.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Wow, that's quite the 2014 callback!

But, seriously, folk, what's going on here?

Well, while there once was a 7-Eleven at the corner of Third Avenue and Pine Street, right now it's has been transformed into a pop-up exhibit and store called, appropriately enough, "Inconvenience Store".

More than 70 artists, mostly local to the Seattle area, created the pieces, re-imagining everyday convenience-store products across 14 departments. In the “everyday inconveniences” section, familiar objects get decidedly impractical. For instance, can I interest you in these pre-tangled USB cords?

SFX: WHOOSH OF CORDS WHIPPING AROUND.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Such an inconvenient time saver!

And don't forget to check out the ATM-inspired sound sculpture!

SFX: ATM SOUNDS EDITED TOGETHER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

If you find yourself back here in Seattle any time through mid 2027, be sure to check it out. While items are available for sale, ranging in price from a buck to ten-thousand dollars, admission is free. But, unlike the old 7-Eleven, the hours are Saturdays and Sundays only, from Noon to 4pm.

So, what did we learn today?

I think it's that art is subjective, but some people who are subjected TO it, would rather reject it and change the subject.

Also, never pay $300,000 for three rocks.

SFX: ROCKS FALLING TO THE GROUND.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: END THEME IN AND UNDER FOR...

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's "Odd News Times Twos". But first, a very special shout-out to my Patreon patrons, including Producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast, Kirby Bartlett-Sloan, Chuck Tomasi from the Technorama podcast, Kyle Nishioka, Brian Martsolf, Amy Murphy, and Steve Ng from steveng5.com, that's s-t-e-v-e-n-g the number 5 dot com. You, too, can show your support. Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on patreon.com.

Original script, voices and original music by me, Clinton Alvord, copyright 2026. All rights reserved.

Talk to you again next time! But for now...

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

SIR PATRICK STEWART

My goodness. Look at the time. Let's wrap this up, shall we?

As always, this is Sir Patrick Stewart saying that's it! We're done, done, done, done, done, done, done. And bye bye.

A FEW SECONDS OF SILENCE BEFORE EPISODE ENDS.

=== THE END ===