882-DogDaysDay17

comedy4cast #882

Dog Days of Pumpkin Spice Season

Odd News Times Twos

"Cashless Concerns"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 882, "Cashless Concerns".

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Oh, hi! Clinton here. Welcome to the Dog Days of Pumpkin Spice Season.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Yeah, August got away from me -- AGAIN! So, this is another edition of my unofficial extension of Dog Days. For more information on that, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

This year I'm providing you with more totally useless Odd News. In fact, TWO Odd News stories that I think deserve each other. So, let's have some fun with "Odd News Times Twos"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORIES NUMBER 1 AND 2 ARE COMBINED.

CLINTON

For today's first Odd News story, we're headed off to London!

SFX: ELECTRONIC WHOOSH.

CLINTON (cont'd)

East London, actually, and the riverside town of Barking. Local highlights include the Barking Museum, Barking Town Square, Barking Park and the Barking Abbey ruins. That's a lot of barking. It must be hard to get any sleep at night.

SFX: DOG GROWLS.

But right now, we're here in the relative quite of the home of Anthony Kalejaiye. Anthony is getting ready to attend a family celebration, preparing something he will need so he can participate in a Nigerian custom popular at such affairs. Meanwhile, his 3-year-old daughter, Amelia. is in the living room, happily working on an arts-and-crafts project.

When Anthony walks back into the living room, he freezes, in shock at what he sees.

MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Did Amelia color outside the lines? Squeeze glitter glue into her hair? Build a rudimentary, yet fully-articulated version of the Tower Bridge out of construction paper?.

Before we find out what has actually happened, I'm afraid we have to jet off to South Korea again for our second Odd News story.

SFX: ELECTRONIC WHOOSH.

CLINTON (cont'd)

If you've ever been on an e-commerce site and made an impulse purchase, you probably felt great about the whole thing while you were shopping. But then, a few minutes after hitting that "order now" button...

SFX: CASH REGISTER RINGS AND CHANGE DRAWER OPENS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Regret started to set in.

Now sure, it may have something to do with the fact that you don't even own a backpack that is compatible with that portable table napkin dispenser. But psychologists say that the rituals involved with buying things online is enough to get your brain to release a dopamine hit. That's why you feel great. At least for a while. But then, the stimulant wears off. And, sometimes, you're right back online again, spotting a ceramic VHS tape caddy that's on sale -- 8 percent off --

SFX: CASH REGISTER RINGS AND CHANGE DRAWER OPENS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

And the whole cycle begins again.

But what if you could get those dopamine hits without spending any money?

That's the idea behind so-called "dopamine sites" in South Korea. I know it sounds illegal. But, no, these are websites that are designed to mimic actual online retail sites. There are hundreds of products, reviews, filters and even sale items. Take your time. Browse. Add this, that AND the other thing to your cart. When you're all set, select your method of payment, fill in a delivery address, and order away! Except, of course, the products never show up and there's no actual charge on your credit card.

Younger users find the experience so close to the real thing that they get an identical surge of dopamine.

Of course there is some danger. Some experts warn that, even though the shopping is fake, use of a "dopamine site" reinforces behavioral patterns that make online shopping addictive, whether or not real items are involved.

So, let's close that browser tab and put away the credit card for now and head back to Barking!

SFX: DOGS BARKING

CLINTON (cont'd)

Barking, England!

SFX: ELECTRONIC WHOOSH.

CLINTON (cont'd)

When we left -- which seems like just a few minutes ago, doesn't it? Anthony Kalejaiye had just walked into the living room and found his 3-year-old daughter, Amelia, working on an art project.

But instead of applying finger paints or markers to bring life to her unicorn coloring book, Amelia had used something else to make her artistic statement. She had cut up nearly $1,800 in US currency $100 bills and was in the process of pasting Benjamin Franklin's head onto the mythical creatures bodies.

As avante garde as that may be, the money was something Anthony had stashed away for use during Nigerian family celebrations, where it is often customary to shower guests with cash.

Fortunately, several of the bills were readable enough to be exchanged at a local bank for new currency. Which is not always the case.

Anthony says that the whole incident taught him to keep a closer eye on where he keeps the cash.

(speaking directly to Anthony)

That bank were you exchanged the bills might be a good option, Anthony. Just saying.

(back to normal)

So, what did we learn today? I think it's that it's hard to believe that doing pretend shopping online may not teach you the value of money, but doing an art project involving unicorns and Benjamin Franklin will.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: END THEME IN AND UNDER FOR...

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's "Odd News Times Twos". But first, a very special shout-out to my Patreon patrons, including Producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast, Kirby Bartlett-Sloan, Chuck Tomasi from the Technorama podcast, Kyle Nishioka, Brian Martsolf, Amy Murphy, and Steve Ng from steveng5.com. That's s-t-e-v-e-n-g the number 5 dot com. You, too, can support comedy4cast. Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on patreon.com.

Talk to you again next time! But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

=== THE END ===