880-SatAug15

comedy4cast #880

Odd News Times Twos for August 15, 2026

"Social Insecurity"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 880, "Social Insecurity".

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

It's time, once again, for the August Dog Days of Podcasting challenge. For more information and to hear shows from all the participants, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

comedy4cast is taking this time to provide you with some interesting, yet totally useless Odd News. In fact, TWO Odd News stories that we thing deserve each other. So, let's have some fun with "Odd News Times Twos"!

MUSIC: INTRO THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORIES NUMBER 1 AND 2 ARE COMBINED.

CLINTON

Our first story takes us to Malaysia.

SFX: ELECTRONIC WHOOSH.

SFX: RESTAURANT NOISE.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Okay, we're here in Ipoh. And we're supposed to meet up with some gentleman here in this restaurant. Oh, here comes a lovely couple, getting seated next to us. Maybe this gentleman...

SFX: CHAIR SLIDES BACK.

CLINTON (cont'd)

No. I guess not. He just excused himself to use the bathroom. Sorry. Too much information?

Hang on, why is that gruff-looking guy bothering the woman. The woman may be able to handle the situation herself, but should we intervene? Oh, maybe there's no need. The gentleman has returned and appears to be giving the ruffian "what for."

Crisis averted. Uh, except that now the ne'er-do-well is headed OUR way!

I think this is a good time to head off to cover our second Odd News story. Off to Russia!

SFX: ELECTRONIC WHOOSH.

SFX: CITY TRAFFIC.

CLINTON

We're here in Moscow to check out a strange new trend. Look over there. That guy. The one with his iPhone out. Watch. Or listen.

SFX: PHONE SMASHES ON GROUND.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Yeah. He just smashed his phone down on the ground. Hared. Really making a mess of the screen. But he wasn't taking out his frustration over having connectivity issues or going over a data cap. No. He did it on purpose. And he's HAPPY he did it.

This all stems from a recent TikTok trend, where women were posting photos of their old, beat up iphones and equating a roughed up phone, practically held together with duct tape, as being the type of phone a "real man" has.

Of course, those photos were probably taken with brand new iPhones. And some of the men who smashed their phones may just now be realizing that it's going to be really hard to take a mirror selfie of themselves with their trashed phone now that they've damaged the built-in camera.

Better luck next time, fellas.

Now, back to Malaysia.

SFX: ELECTRONIC WHOOSH.

SFX: RESTAURANT NOISE.

CLINTON

Dang it! That troublemaker is still headed for our table! Oh. he's smiling and putting out his hand. This is actually the person we're supposed to meet?

It is, indeed. His name is Shazali Sulaiman. And he's often been told that he looks like a gang member, what with his unkept long hair and biker clothing and whatnot. At first Sulaiman shook it off. But, over time, he started thinking, maybe he could use this personna to his advantage.

Soon afterwards Sulaiman announced a "villain for hire" service. Not as a henchman or minion. But as a fall guy.

For a fee of 100 ringgit ($22 US) on weekdays and 150 ringgit during weekends, you can hire Sulaiman, then set up a time and a place where he will show up to bother your partner, giving you a chance to intervene and pretend to be a heroine or knight in shining armor.

And make no mistake, it is a business. If Sulaiman has to travel out of town, you have to pay his travel expenses, too.

Now, you can certainly find issues the with "villain for hire" concept. Is Sulaiman breaking the law by harassing people? Sulaiman assures people “it is all just an act, like WWE. No one gets hurt, I am the only ‘loser’.”

Well, until the partner finds out, at least.
So, what did we learn today? I think it's that if you have the overpowering urge to be a poser, don't go and throw your phone on the ground, what did it ever do to you? Contact a "villain for hire" instead. At least that way, while you make a fool of yourself, some local entrepreneur has a job.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: END THEME IN AND UNDER FOR...

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's "Odd News Times Twos". But first, a very special shout-out to my Patreon patrons, including Producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast, Kirby Bartlett-Sloan, Chuck Tomasi from the Technorama podcast, Kyle Nishioka, Brian Martsolf, Amy Murphy, and Steve Ng from steveng5.com, that's s-t-e-v-e-n-g the number 5 dot com. You, too, can support comedy4cast. Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on patreon.com.

Talk to you again next time! But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

=== THE END ===