comedy4cast #878

Odd News Times Twos for August 13, 2026

"Extreme Green"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON

PLANKTON.........................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 878, "Extreme Green".

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

CLINTON (cont'd)

It's time, once again, for the August Dog Days of Podcasting challenge. For more information and to hear shows from all the participants, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

comedy4cast is taking this opportunity to provide you with some interesting, yet totally useless Odd News. In fact, TWO Odd News stories that we thing deserve each other. So, let's have some fun with "Odd News Times Twos"!

MUSIC: INTRO THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORIES NUMBER 1 AND 2 ARE COMBINED.

CLINTON

Our first stop, or should I say
pit stop, is Indianapolis, Indiana.

SFX: ELECTRONIC WHOOSH.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Does this story involve vehicles in a race? Oh, you bet. Formula 1? NASCAR? Top Fuel Dragsters. Well, no, no and...no.

Then what does it involve? Before we answer that, we need to head to Woods Hole, Massachusetts for our second Odd News story.

SFX: ELECTRONIC WHOOSH.

SFX: WATER SPLASHING.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Oops. Sorry, Overshot that a bit and we ended up in Eel Pond. Which, hopefully, is named after a person with that name. Let me just check that.

SFX: TYPING ON SCREEN.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Nope. It's because there are eels. Hang on.

SFX: ELECTRONIC WHOOSH.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Okay. That's better. But, speaking of eels, we're here about a different type of aquatic inhabitant: kelp.

I know. Contain your excitement. But Since the 1970's there's been on-again, off-again research into the idea of using kelp as a biofuel.

You see, while solar and even wind power can get a car from point A to point B, even points C, D and E on a good day, larger craft, like ships and airplanes require liquid fuel, bubbling crude, oil, that is. Black gold, Texas tea.

But we're aware of both the environmental risks and/or volatile supply chain issues associated with petroleum products.

Even with all that, outside of wrapping around your foot at the beach, kelp hasn't caught on. Which is odd, because the oil we do use is also a marine product, formed from the remains of ancient algae and plankton.

PLANKTON

SpongeBob!

CLINTON

Hang on, you MAY say. Isn't oil made from old dinosaurs? Actually, no, I reply. In fact, any dino remains would actually contaminate the oil. Possibly because T Rex was well known for not washing its claws. In fairness though, it couldn't reach the dispenser with its tiny arms.

Where was I? Oh. Right here. Kelp. Through a process that uses heat and pressure to produce fuel, known as hydrothermal liquefaction, this humble seaweed could power those ships and aircraft without any petroleum. That's because it simulates the way petroleum was created, but doesn't take 100 million years. Even better, Kelp, is pretty darned easy to grow, making it very sustainable. And even better...er, biofuel ends up emitting far less greenhouse gases than the petroleum we currently use. What does "far less" mean? between 50 and 70 percent less. In some cases even over 80% less.

Okay, let's go seaweed.

Not so fast. While researchers have been able to breed kelp that can produce up to three times more biomass than conventional strains, energy companies are reluctant to commit to large-scale aquaculture production without proof that there is a demand for the product. And aquaculture farmers are reluctant to scale up their production without a guaranteed buyer. Very much a Catch-22 situation.

Also, scaling up the biofuel industry would require sustained government support as the production capacities slowly build up to a critical mass. Or, in this case, biomass. And interest has traditionally ebbed and flowed, based on petroleum supplies. There's also the question of where the aquaculture facilities would be located. The majority of coastline in the united states is already in use for recreation, fishing or conservation.

But, while we ponder the future of seaweed, it's time to leave Wood's Hole and head back to Indianapolis!

SFX: ELECTRONIOC WHOOSH.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Today the vehicle runs aren't meant to set records for speed or endurance. It's all about miles per gallon. This is the 2026 Shell Eco-Marathon, a competition where the winners are the vehicles that can go the farthest on the least amount of fuel. The cars have to maintain an average speed of at least 15 miles an hour (23 kilometers an hour) over a distance of 10 miles (16 kilometers).

Oh, here comes the team from Brigham Young University. They're using gasoline to power their entry, a single-occupant vehicle known as Supermileage. A bit on the nose, but I'll allow it.

Supermileage isn't going to replace your family crossover anytime soon. To get on this ride, you must be no more than 5 feet, 4 inches tall AND weigh less than 120 pounds. And that's 12 pounds more than the vehicle itself weighs, thanks to a carbon fiber body. The CAR body, not the driver. And the gas tank? It holds a whopping 1 ounce of fuel.

You heard me. 1 ounce. And how did Supermileage do in this year's Eco-Marathon? It won, with a fuel efficiency equivalent to...

SFX: DRUM ROLL.

CLINTON (cont'd)

2,145 miles a gallon.

SFX: SHORT FANFARE.

CLINTON (cont'd)

You could drive Supermileage from Utah to New York on one gallon of gas. Of course, since the tank only holds one ounce, you'd need to refuel every 20 miles. Bring lots of snacks -- that don't weigh anything!

So, what did we learn today? I think it's that winning the Eco-Marathon in Indianapolis, Indiana probably had the Brigham Young team asking Hoosier Daddy?

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: END THEME IN AND UNDER FOR...

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's "Odd News Times Twos". But first, a very special shout-out to the folks who help power comedy4cast -- my Patreon patrons, including Producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast, Kirby Bartlett-Sloan, Chuck Tomasi from the Technorama podcast, Kyle Nishioka, Brian Martsolf, Amy Murphy, and Steve Ng from steveng5.com, that's s-t-e-v-e-n-g the number 5 dot com. You, too, can support comedy4cast. Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on patreon.com. Or click on the link on the comedy4cast.com home page.

Talk to you again next time! But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

=== THE END ===