comedy4cast #870

Odd News Time Twos for August 5, 2026

"Alien Spotting"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 870, "Alien Spotting".

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

comedy4cast is participating in the Dog Days of Podcasting, where podcasters try to put out a show every day in August. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

comedy4cast is taking this time to provide you with some interesting, yet totally useless, odd news. In fact, TWO odd stories that we thing deserve each other. So, let's have some fun with "Odd News Times Twos"!

MUSIC: INTRO THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

STORIES 1 AND 2 ARE COMBINED

SFX: AIRPORT CONCOURSE ATMOSPHERE.

CLINTON

Today's first Odd News story has apparently brought us here to Hobart Airport, down in Tasmania.

Down in Tasmania.

I certainly hope you had a pleasant stay and got in a lot of sightseeing over the last ten seconds or so, because it's time to head home.

SFX: LUGGAGE ROLLING ON WHEELS.

SFX: HUM OF DISPLAY IN AIRPORT GIFT SHOP.

Well, I suppose there is time to visit the airport's Relay store for some snacks, a cup of coffee and, oh, and how about one of those cute stuffed animals for the little ones back home?

Wait. Is this supposed to be a Tasmanian Devil?

SFX: SQUEAK FROM A SQUEEZE TOY.

CLINTON (cont'd)

No. No. I've seen a Tasmanian Devil. They're brown and stand on two feet and they go...

(imitating cartoon Tasmanian Devil)

"Bwah spwam pffft."

But never mind me. You look them over. while I tell you the odd news about some changes the International Academy of Astronautics has made to their protocols surrounding the detection of a signal from aliens.

The first one is you're not supposed to scream "ALIEN!" at the first sign of a strange blip in the sky. Now scientists are supposed to sit around and wait until their discovery's been independently authenticated using different instruments.

Well, THAT sounds exciting.

SFX: BUSY OFFICE ATMOSPHERE.

CLINTON (cont'd)

(imitating office worker)

"Listen, Bill, I know you're very excited about discovering extraterrestrial life, but I'm sorry. until Emily gets back from vacation with the keys to the lab, you're just gonna have to wait. Look at Larry over there. He thinks he's found Bigfoot, but you don't see him complaining about waiting."

SFX: HUM OF DISPLAY IN AIRPORT GIFT SHOP.

CLINTON (cont'd)

And, in case that wasn't enough of a downer, if someone receives a message from space, Earth is now supposed to just let the call go to voicemail. No texting back! Total space ghosting.

The new guidelines say that replying is really a decision that all of us need to make. I mean ALL of us. Going through the United Nations and everything.

And I suppose that makes sense. After all, Who wants to be remembered as the person who invited the Borg to crash our block party.

So. Have you decided on a stuffed animal. No? Let's see. There's this kangaroo, a koala, dingo...And that one there. It looks a bit different, doesn't it? Those big dark eyes. And that fur is very realistic.

Okay. Should it be moving like that?

Wait. Is that E.T.?! Yeah! Like the movie! An alien! Hey, everyone! There's an alien over here! I'm the one who found it! Ah, protocols shmotocals. We should totally help him phone home!

It turns out the non-stuffed animal discovered on a shelf in the Tasmanian gift shop was a live brushtail possum. It had found it's way into the airport and apparently decided that the best way to hide was to blend in with the plush animals.

Airport staff were able to remove the animal without harming it.

But it's unclear if they were able to locate the possum's adorable tiny luggage.

So. What did we learn today? I think it's that we can all agree I'm probably not the person you want searching for intelligent life in the universe. Or buying stuffed animals for your kids.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: END THEME IN AND UNDER FOR...

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's "Odd News Times Twos". But first, a very special shout-out to my Patreon patrons, including Producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast, Kirby Bartlett-Sloan, Chuck Tomasi from the Technorama podcast, Kyle Nishioka, Brian Martsolf, Amy Murphy, and Steve Ng from steveng5.com, that's s-t-e-v-e-n-g the number 5 dot com. You, too, can support comedy4cast. Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on patreon.com.

Original script, voices and original music by me, Clinton Alvord, copyright 2026. All rights reserved.

Talk to you again next time! But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

=== THE END ===