869-TueAug4

comedy4cast #869

Odd News X Twos for August 4, 2026

"Breed Or The Actor"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 869, "Breed or The Actor".

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

comedy4cast is participating in the Dog Days of Podcasting, where podcasters try to put out a podcast every day in August. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

comedy4cast is taking this time to provide you with some interesting, yet totally useless, odd news. In fact, TWO odd stories that we thing deserve each other. So, let's have some fun with "Odd News Times Twos"!

MUSIC: INTRO THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORIES 1 AND TWO ARE COMBINED:

CLINTON

For Teddy, Piper, Odin and all the other good dogs.

So, one night, as your relaxing on the couch, you ask yourself "Why is my teacup chihuahua the size of a mini fridge?" Or "Why does my pit bull keep trying to herd the squirrels into the back yard?" Well, it's a bit technical, but you may have what is known in the business as a "mixed breed".

Fortunately, you can have your dog's DNA tested to find out the truth, without the Jerry Springer drama.

And that's just what New Hampshire resident Michelle Leininger did when she adopted her new dog, a lovable German Shepard named Jasmine.

SFX: COMPUTER BEEPS UNDERNEATH REPORT RESULTS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

The results of the test came back that Jasmine was indeed a German Shepard.

Makes sense. But the report went on to say that Jasmine was partially fourteen other breeds, including Chihuahua.

Wait. What?

What Ms. Leininger did next surprised everyone.

We'll talk about that in a minute. But first, we need to hop across the pond to Scotland.

SFX: ELECTRONIC WHOOSH.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Recently, Bill Murray was visiting St. Andrews and decided to try to fit playing a round of golf into his busy schedule of crashing weddings and so on.

On the 18th hole, Bill's drive took a slight detour,

SFX: GOLF BALL STRUCK.

CLINTON (cont'd)

going wide, ricocheting off a road...

SFX: BALL STRIKING HARD SURFACE, FOLLOWED BY RICOCHET PING.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Bouncing off a spectator's knee...

SFX: BALL STRIKES SOFT SURACE, FOLLOWED BY RICOCHET PING

SFX: WOMAN YELLS "OUCH!"

CLINTON (cont'd)

And nicking a small dog...

SFX: BALL STRIKES SOFT SURFACE, FOLLOWED BY RICOCHET PING.

SFX: SMALL DOG WHIMPER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Before bouncing back onto the green.

SFX: BALL LANDS ON GRASS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

The dog in question was a small black and white cocker spaniel. Although now I suppose it's black and BLUE and white. The dog was fine, but was disappointed that, after assisting the actor, Murray did not even give him an treat. It was definitely not the Cinderella story the pooch was hoping for.

SFX: DOG BARKS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Now, back to New Hampshire and Ms. Michelle Leininger (LINEing-gher)...

SFX: ELECTRONIC WHOOSH.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Who is holding the test results that say her German Shepard has DNA from 14 other breeds.

Ms. Leininger has decided to try the test again. But, this time, with a swab from her own cheek.

SFX: COMPUTER BEEPS UNDERNEATH REPORT RESULTS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

When the results come back, Michelle is surprised to learn that SHE is 40 percent Border Collie, 32 percent cane corso and 28 percent bulldog.

SFX: CONFUSED CARTOON DOG.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Then, an investigative reporter for a Boston TV station tried to replicate the incident. She took a swab from her own cheek, and sent it off to four dog DNA sites. Three of the companies said that there were errors and did not provide results.

SFX: COMPUTER BEEPS UNDERNEATH REPORT RESULTS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

But one tester was happy to report that the reporter was 40 percent Alaskan Malamute, 35 percent Shar-Pei, and 25 percent Labrador. Giving the term newshound a whole new meaning.

SFX: DOG BARKS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

The company did not respond to inquiries. Which certainly does give one "paws."

SFX: DOG GROWLS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

So, what did we learn today? Maybe it's that you shouldn't be surprised if your dog starts rooting for the gopher the next time you watch "Caddyshack".

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: END THEME IN AND UNDER FOR...

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's "Odd News X Twos". But first, a very special shout-out to my Patreon patrons, including Producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast, Kirby Bartlett-Sloan, Chuck Tomasi from the Technorama podcast, Kyle Nishioka, Brian Martsolf, Amy Murphy, and Steve Ng from steveng5.com, that's s-t-e-v-e-n-g the number five dot com. You, too, can support comedy4cast. Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on patreon.com.

Talk to you again next time! But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

=== THE END ===