856-Day29

comedy4cast #856

"European Puff Peace"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

ABBY FALMACHER.....................BONNIE KENDERDINE

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER (cont'd)

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

Oh, hi! Clinton here. Welcome to the Dog Days of Pumpkin Spice Season.

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Yes, August got away from me because -- life. So, this is my unofficial extension of Dog Days. For more information on that, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

I always use Dog Days to give you 31 episodes full of some interesting, yet totally useless Odd News. And this year, to celebrate the Platinum Anniversary of comedy4cast, or PAC for short, I'll end each Dog Days episode with part of a classic comedy4cast episode. So, let's get started with "Odd News PAC"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY: STUNNER BREEZE

CLINTON

Chicago is known as the windy city. A book has been written about Wind in the Willows. And some cautioning about candles in the wind, yet claim it is beneath their wings, even if there is some dust blowin' in it.

But all that talk about the breeze pales in comparison to a claim being made by the CEO of the Dutch weather forcasting service Whiffle. CEO Remco Verzijlbergh is calling Belgium a wind thief!

But is he just full of hot air?

Verzijlbergh says that Belgian wind farms in the North Sea have an advantage over Dutch ones because of their placement. Wait. Are the Dutch ones in upside down? To be fair, those blades do look like the roots.

A quick check tells me, no. The Netherlands has followed the manufacturer's installation instructions. So, what's all this about?

The CEO explained how, as we already know, a wind turbine is designed to extract wind from the air. But...if you measure the wind speed AFTER it passes the turbines it, to quote
Verzijlbergh, "blows less hard."

When you have a whole turbine farm, you really see lower wind speeds exiting the setup. Belgian wind farms are located southwest of the Netherlands arrays. And it just so happens that the wind itself often blows from that same direction, the southwest. Which means, the wind gusts the Dutch get are, without getting too technical, not as gusty. In fact, the wind intensity is lower by as much as 3%.

This byproduct of wind turbines is well-documented and known as ‘wind shadow’ or the ‘wake effect’.

Verzijlbergh was quick to point out that the phenomenon is purely accidental in this case, because of the location of the wind turbines, but he is pleading for better coordination between countries in the near future. This kind of wind theft will become a bigger issue as more wind farms get installed across the North Sea in an international race to become carbon neutral.

So, what's the important lesson in all this? What's our takeaway. I think it's this: If you don't want a sudden gust blowing your hat off your head, visit The Netherlands! They know which way the wind blows.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

CLIP: RUBBER BABY BUGGY BUMPER BASKETS

CLINTON

And now, let's celebrate 20 years of comedy4cast with this classic clip!

In this commercial, Miss Abby Falmacher prepares for a trade war. Taken from an episode released in July of 2018, here's the clip.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

MUSIC: BACH'S "PRELUDE IN C MAJOR" PLAYED ON HARPSICORD IN AND UNDER FOR...

ABBY FALMACHER

Hello, I'm Abby Falmacher, owner of the Little Wicker Basket Company. Little Wicker Baskets, they're everywhere.

As a business owner, I don't like to get involved in politics. I let my money take care of that. But recently, there have been threats of a trade war that could affect my supply of wicker. While nothing is certain, I've decided not to take any chances. I've gone out and secured some additional resources.

That's why I'm proud to announce the introduction of these new Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Baskets. They're stylish, on point, and they bounce when you drop them.

SFX: CARTOON-STYLE BOUNCE EFFECT.

ABBY FALMACHER (cont'd)

And because we here at Little Wicker Baskets believe in saving the planet, Every bumper in a Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Basket is made from old shredded baby buggy bumpers. That's right. These are genuine recycled rubber Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Baskets.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Abby, what happens if your supply of recycled rubber Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Baskets runs out?" Don't worry. I went around the country and bought a ton of baby buggies when Toys R Us was going out of business. I guess that means you could call these Bankruptcy Buyout Recycled Rubber Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Baskets.

Well, it looks like it's time to get back to the live wake. I mean live show. This is Abby Falmacher reminding you Little Wicker...That is, Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Baskets. They're everywhere. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find Clinton and break his keyboard for writing this commercial.

MUSIC: UP AND PLAY TO END.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News PAC. But first, a shout-out to the comedy4cast Patreon patrons, including our producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast and Kirby Bartlett-Sloan from the 20 Megabyte Doctor Who podcast. You too can support comedy4cast and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month. Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on patreon.com.

Talk to you again next time! But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

-- THE END --