853-OddNews26

comedy4cast #853

"Pour Choices"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON

AD ANNOUNCER....................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER (cont'd)

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

Oh, hi! Clinton here. Welcome to the Dog Days of Pumpkin Spice Season.

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Yes, August got away from me because -- life. So, this is my unofficial extension of Dog Days. For more information on that, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

I always use Dog Days to give you 31 episodes full of some interesting, yet totally useless Odd News. And this year, to celebrate the Platinum Anniversary of comedy4cast, or PAC for short, I'll end each Dog Days episode with part of a classic comedy4cast episode. So, let's get started with "Odd News PAC"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY: DOWN BUT NOT OUT

CLINTON

The price of a cup of coffee. It's a pretty common way for marketers to talk about the price of something they want you to buy. They have you equate it with something you buy all the time. "You probably pay that much for a cup of coffee."

But, you have to be careful. What cup of coffee are they talking about? One from your local coffee shop? A diner? Because, if it's not; if what they're talking about is a cup of coffee from Dubai's Roasters gourmet coffee shop, you might want to hold onto that wallet of yours. Or your purse? Okay, fine. Your tap-to-pay app. Because, recently at Roasters flagship location on Boulevard Downtown Dubai, a staff member had the nerve-wracking responsibility of preparing and pouring a rather costly cup of java made from Panamanian Geisha beans.

Never heard of those? I'm not surprised.

They're from the world-renowned Hacienda La Esmeralda in Panama, and are some of the world's finest and rarest coffee beans. But there simply isn't that much of it grown each year. And if you want some of the freshest Panamanian Geisha beans, well, pack your bags. Because Dubai Roasters purchased the entire 20-kilogram lot during the "Best of Panama 2025" auction held earlier this fall, at a cost equivalent to $604,000, I hope that included free shipping.

But I digress. Back to the price of a cup of coffee. For this particular cup of coffee, the Panamanian Geisha beans were brewed using the V60 method, which, I know, sounds like they put it into a hot rod engine, but no. It means the barista slowly poured heated water over the beans that had been ground and placed inside a cone-shaped filter. The barista varied the pour speed to regulate the release of bean flavor. As one tends to do. Of course that's after they had run steaming hot water through the paper filter to remove any residue that could have affect the flavor of the coffee. And who out there isn't tired of doing that exact same thing every morning with the good old home coffee maker? Am I right?

The coffee was then poured into a handcrafted Edo Kiriko crystal glass from Japan. There were some kanji symbols on the cup, which probably translate as "I hate Mondays."

But I digress. Again. I probably need some coffee. Okay. But, what was the price of this cup of coffee? Was it more than a Cocoa Mocha Iced Signature Latte from Dunkin? A Starbucks Venti Pistachio Latte with a shot of espresso? Just a bit. The cup of Panamanian Geisha coffee came in at 2,500 dirhams, or, in US dollars a paltry $680.

So, if THAT'S what the marketer thinks you pay for a cup of coffee, you can't afford whatever it is they're selling.

But hang on. We're not quite done. Because another Dubai cafe was at that same "Best of Panama 2025" auction. Sure, they couldn't snap up those Panamanian Geisha beans. That upstart, Roasters cafe, took them all. So, they did the next best thing, they bought the entire lot of Nido 7 Geisha coffee beans. A washed varietal bean that just so happened to have scored the highest judged rating ever -- 98 points out of 100.

And now, Julith, the Dubai cafe that purchase the beans has put Nido 7 Geisha on their menu. And you can have a cup. For the low, low price of $980 US. But that's okay. No. It is. Because, after all, it's no more than just the price of a cup of coffee.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

CLIP: GET RELIEF TODAY

CLINTON

And now, let's celebrate 20 years of comedy4cast with this classic clip!

This clip is from an episode released in June of 2013. It's an advertisement for product.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

EFX: BIRDS SINGING IN BACKGROUND.

AD ANNOUNCER

Attention. Men over 40, women over 50, and men over 60. Be honest and answer this one simple question. Have you lost that? Are you finding it harder to? Does it seem like you can't, even though you used to? It's a known fact that as men get older, women lose more than 90% of their reserves. But now, you don't have to. Thanks to a revolutionary new breakthrough in time-tested homeopathic remedies, you can have it again. That's right. Never again be saddled with. Go to bed. Or wake up feeling. These all natural products are. And the FDA. And as part of a special promotion, we're giving away free 90-day supplies. You just pay. Sound too good to be true? Don't wait another minute. One simple call is all you need. Operators are standing by to take. Call 1-800-555-6789. That's 1-800-555-6789. And if you call, we'll double your order. That's like getting twice as much. You just pay separate. Call 1-800-555-6789. That's 1-800-555-6789. Once again, 1-800-555-6789. Stop feeling. Call today.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News PAC. But first, a shout-out to the comedy4cast Patreon patrons, including our producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast and Kirby Bartlett-Sloan from the 20 Megabyte Doctor Who podcast. You too can support comedy4cast and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month. Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on patreon.com.

Talk to you again next time! But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

-- THE END --