comedy4cast #852

"Mourning Has Broken"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON

FOREST GUY......................CLINTON ALVORD

BONNIE.............................BONNIE KENDERDINE

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER (cont'd)

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

Oh, hi! Clinton here. Welcome to the Dog Days of Pumpkin Spice Season.

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Yes, August got away from me because -- life. So, this is my unofficial extension of Dog Days. For more information on that, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

I always use Dog Days to give you 31 episodes full of some interesting, yet totally useless Odd News. And this year, to celebrate the Platinum Anniversary of comedy4cast, or PAC for short, I'll end each Dog Days episode with part of a classic comedy4cast episode. So, let's get started with "Odd News PAC"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY: DOWN BUT NOT OUT

CLINTON

It's inevitable. One day, the Grim Reaper comes for each of us. And although we can change our address, block texts or go completely off the grid, somehow the dude with the scythe will arrive. Of course, if you're Bill or Ted or Mandy or Billy, you might have an out. But otherwise, it's time to go.

And there are those of us who's time comes too soon. So it was when relatives of Mohan Lal, a resident of Konchi, in India's Gaya district, began notifying people about the passing of the Mohan, an Indian Air Force veteran. Hundreds of loved ones poured into the village to wish him farewell.

Yes. Gone too soon. No. Really. It was too soon. He was alive!

MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING.

CLINTON (cont'd)

And I know what you're probably thinking. Someone spread a rumor that just kept spreading. You got me. That's exactly what happened. But, here's the kicker. The person who started the rumor was none other than Mohan Lal himself!

MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING.

CLINTON (cont'd)

It turns out the 74-year old wanted to see how much respect and affection people would give him after his death. Among other things, Mohan had donated a crematorium to the village, so that villagers could continue the process during the rainy seasons. And it was a location he was being carried to on a beir, when he decided to pop up and reveal the hoax.

To make locals forgive him for the mock funeral, Mohan Lal organized a giant feast for everyone. There was much merriment and all was forgiven.

Yes, it turns out Mohan is a respected and popular member of his community.

But, oddly enough, this isn't the first time this type of 90's sitcom-style hijinks has taken place. In fact, two years ago, in Brazil, Baltazar Lemos faked his own demise via a series of Facebook posts. Then he arranged his own memorial service and also announced that on his social media page. People did show up. But, when they found out they had been tricked, they were a LOT less forgiving than Mohan's community. In fact, one "friend" said that "When I see him, the first thing I'm going to do is slap him, otherwise I'll break a champagne bottle over his head."

So, dear listener, the lesson here is clear. If you ever decide to do something like this -- which you definitely should not do -- after you make the M. Night Shyamalan reveal, serve food, but not alcohol.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

CLIP: THE SECRET LIFE OF TREES

CLINTON

And now, let's celebrate 20 years of comedy4cast with this classic clip!

In this clip, from November of 2006, Bonnie and I learn a lot about trees from a stranger we meet during a fall foliage walk.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

EFX: BIRDS SINGING IN BACKGROUND.

FOREST GUY

You ever wonder why the leaves turn all them pretty colors?

CLINTON

No.

BONNIE

It has something to do with chlorophyll, doesn't it? I mean, when the tree stops using chlorophyll in the fall?

FOREST GUY

Poppycock, I say. Poppycock, humbug, wives, tales, and nonsense. You don't see that pine tree turning all red and yellow and tooty-fruity, do you?

BONNIE

Well, no, but...

FOREST GUY

You probably think trees are all peaceful and tranquil and make nice homes for the birds, don't you?

BONNIE

Well, I...

FOREST GUY

Poppycock, I say. Poppycock, balderdash, hocus-pocus, and gibbety-jab. Let me tell you, trees are some of the most dangerous things you'll ever see. Especially them big, leafy trees like oak trees. Does that surprise you?

BONNIE

That depends.

FOREST GUY

Depends on what?

BONNIE

On whether or not you're going to yell poppycock at me again.

FOREST GUY

Just like I thought. There ain't enough trees in the city. You folks don't know.

CLINTON

What are you talking about, old man?

FOREST GUY

I'm talking about wild trees. They move when you ain't looking. They got powerful bad tempers. Enemies, too. And they ain't above revenge.

CLINTON

Uh-huh.

FOREST GUY

I'll tell you why all those leaves turn colors in the fall. It's the male trees showing off, trying to attract a mate. Strutting their colors like some kind of 60-foot tall peacock.

BONNIE

Ah! Oh, sorry. I thought you said poppycock.

FOREST GUY

You ever notice how sometimes when the leaves turn colors, There's that one or two tree that's still green.

CLINTON

Yeah.

FOREST GUY

It's sick, I tell ya Sick, What happens is, a bunch of the trees get together, see, and they decide to play a trick on the newbies. They spread the word that all the trees are going to play nice this year and not do the color-changing thing. Then, while no one's looking, the big pack of trees throws out more colors than a box of 64 Crayola crayons with the built-in sharpener. By the time the other trees can turn, it's too late. All the lady trees have been spoken for. Poor saps.

BONNIE laughs.

BONNIE

That's funny.

FOREST GUY

Huh?

BONNIE

Poor saps, you know, like tree sap.

FOREST GUY

Hey, you can mock me if you will, but think about this. All them fancy colors happen in the fall. It gets folks thinking about the trees. But when they come into the forest to get a tree for Christmas, all them beautiful colors is gone. And those trees are bare. But the pine trees, the broadleaf tree's natural enemy, is standing there all green and such. Chop, chop, tim-ber! The pine trees get hauled away, and the oak trees and the maple trees just stand there laughing loud and long and clear. To themselves, of course.

CLINTON

Oh, this is ridiculous. Trees are trees. Come on, hon, we're going.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS IN LEAVES.

BONNIE and CLINTON'S voices have an echo as they walk away.

BONNIE

Do you think there's anything to what he was saying?

CLINTON

Oh, he's just a crazy old man who...

SFX: EXPLOSION.

FOREST GUY

Oh, yeah, and they tend to blow up this time of year, too. You know, I think next time I'll lead off with that information. But them leaves are pretty, ain't they?

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News PAC. But first, a shout-out to the comedy4cast Patreon patrons, including our producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast and Kirby Bartlett-Sloan from the 20 Megabyte Doctor Who podcast. You too can support comedy4cast and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month. Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on patreon.com.

Lending their voice in the this episode was Bonnie Kenderdine. Additional voices, script and original music by me, Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2025. All rights reserved.

Talk to you again next time! But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

-- THE END --