847-OddNews21

comedy4cast #847

"Love Among The Ruins"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

Oh, hi! Clinton here. Welcome to the Dog Days of Pumpkin Spice Season.

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Yes, August got away from me because -- life. So, this is my unofficial extension of Dog Days. For more information on that, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

I always use Dog Days to give you 31 episodes full of some interesting, yet totally useless Odd News. And this year, to celebrate the Platinum Anniversary of comedy4cast, or PAC for short, I'll end each Dog Days episode with part of a classic comedy4cast episode. So, let's get started with "Odd News PAC"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY: BARD FROM DOING SHAKESPEARE

CLINTON

Estonian theater Kinoteater recently staged one of the most unusual versions of Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” ever. featuring some unique performers in a most unusual setting.

Now, the story of Romeo and Juliet is a timeless tale of love, loss and fancy writin'. Not unlike this show. Well, minus the love and loss. And the fancy writin'.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS WALKING ON WOODEN BOARDS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

But, let's switch it up for this story.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS STOP.

Wheresoever young lovers take brief pause,
before their sad parting does come to pass,
wishing time to motionless stand because,
quickly sand falls within the hourglass.

This is the realm wherein our players live.
Surrounded by revenge and fate unkind,
two ill-starred lovers who chose to forgive,
sacrifice all to be still intertwined.

But this Romeo and his Juliet,
are contrary to the common subjects.
Conventions crash, replaced by ambulette,
as this telling becomes far more complex.

It ponders if sorrow is ours alone,
Or do passions stir outside our small zone?

Perhaps

I beseech thee to look to the West. Or East. I doest truly depend upon your location, does it not? In any wise, survey the horizon in search of Estonia; the great Republic along the Baltic Sea. Birthplace of the ethereal ghost known to all as simply "Skype".

There, in a quest to see anew the Bard's tale of two star-crossed lovers, a band of artists sent their imagination to a region far beyond the bounds of any mere rectangular container made of cardboard. Why so? Mayhap said portmanteau was ere now occupied by a Tabby or a Tom. As is their mysterious want.

Natheless, they hit upon the notion of using motorized vehicles as the performers in an unprecedented production of the timeless tale. Truly a flash of inspiration. Or is that glint simply the illuminating of the "check engine" light?

Along the perimeter of, and within the confines of the Rumma Quary, witness the unfolding romance betwixt "Romula ja Julia," or "Romeo and Juliet" if you prefer, wherein the experiences of Romeo "Motoretti" are viewed through the lenses of a rally truck and Juliet "Carburetti" is portrayed by a red Ford Ranger 4x4 pickup. A reference not meant to besmirch the reputation of the fair maiden.

Marvel at the duel between Mercutio and Tybalt, acted out by an excavators and a truck-mounted hydraulic hammer, respectively. Each swinging their armatures to and fro in a dance of metal and madness.

And we cannot forsake a mention of the other players on this stage of earth and rock, such as a semi-truck as Count Paris, a fire truck as Lord Carburetti, Sampson in the form of a concrete mixer, and other manner of machinery, both large and small, including city buses, a front loader and an RC car.

Few words were spoke as we saw this unfold.
The text was now a mighty engine's roar.
Yet somehow still the tale was fully told,
amid limestone, on Rumma's quary floor.

A bold vision, proving yet once again,
that love alone can melt hearts cold as steel.
That endless feuds of so-called noblemen,
must yield when sits passion behind the wheel.

Go hence, inform the world that fondness thrives,
within all things -- a car, a truck, a bus.
For we have seen that they surely have drives,
and soon, they will hunt down each one of us.

For never clearer did our demise show,
than here, with Juliet and her Romeo.

SFX: PICKUP TRUCK REVS ITS ENGINE AND DRIVES AWAY.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

CLIP: COFFEE

CLINTON

And now, celebrate the Platinum Anniversary of comedy4cast with this PAC clip!

In this clip, from January of 2008, I give some thoughts on the subject of coffee. Here's a sample:

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

CLINTON (cont'd)

I drink lots of coffee.

To me, a cup of coffee is like a AA battery. It gets you going, but you really need two of them. or four. Yeah, four. So the cheaper, the better. Just like cheap AA batteries. Ones with names like Leaky and Firestarter.

Okay, maybe that's a bit off topic, but that's because I drink lots of coffee.

I tried using one of those single cup coffee makers, but then I saw the size of the single cup they were talking about. 10 ounces. 10 ounces? Please, I have a coffee mug at home the size of a kiddie pool. It takes an hour and a half to fill, and by law, I'm required to have a lifeguard on duty when I use it.

I drink lots of coffee.

I went to a sandwich shop the other day just because they had a sign outside that said, bottomless mug of coffee. Bottomless? I said, just let me get my mouth under the thing and commence to pouring. And don't stop until my head explodes. As a matter of fact, if they let you keep pouring while the ambulance is in motion, go for it.

I drink lots of coffee.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News PAC. But first, a shout-out to the comedy4cast Patreon patrons, including our producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast and Kirby Bartlett-Sloan from the 20 Megabyte Doctor Who podcast. You too can support comedy4cast and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month. Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on patreon.com.

Talk to you again next time! But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

-- THE END --