comedy4cast #839

Odd News PAC for August 12, 2025

"All The Right Angles"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

CAP.............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to try to put out a podcast every day in August. For more information, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

We always take this MONTH to provide you with some interesting, yet totally useless Odd News. And this year, to celebrate the Platinum Anniversary of comedy4cast, or PAC for short, we'll end each Dog Days episode with part of a classic comedy4cast episode. So, let's get started with "Odd News PAC"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY: A TURN FOR THE WORSE

CLINTON

If you drive, you know roads can be tricky to maneuver.

SFX: SOUND OF ROLLER COASTER LIFT HILL IN AND UNDER FOR...

CLINTON (cont'd)

Sometimes you come across an unusually steep grade that feels more like a roller-coaster lift hill -- where the other side only reveals itself once you have crested the top of the ridge. Please, keep your hands and legs inside the vehicle and watch your hats and glasses.

SFX: LIFT HIL SOUND ENDS.

SFX: ROLLER COASTER FULL OF SCREAMING PARK-GOERS BARRELS DOWN HILL.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Or you come across a lane that hugs very close to the edge of a cliff...

SFX: SOUND OF CAR SLOWLY DRIVING ON GRAVEL ROAD.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Where one wrong move could mean you're about to find out how good your vehicle is at flying.

SFX: DRIVING SOUNDS STOPS.

SFX: WHOOSH.

SFX: SLIDE WHISTLE WITH NOTE PITCHING DOWN, GRADUALLY FADES AWAY.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Or landing.

SFX: DISTANT, ECHOED CRASH OF METAL.

CLINTON (cont'd)

And then there are tricky intersections where you are supposed to stop to see if vehicles are approaching on the crossroad, but that road curves, making it impossible to tell if anyone is approaching. So you have to rely on your spidey senses to tell if a car or truck is barreling towards you. Toss in roundabouts, merge lanes and confusing exits and it makes you wonder if road engineers even drive cars. Maybe they just walk everywhere.

The latest shining example of this can be found in the design of a new rail-over bridge, or overpass, in Bhopal, India. In fact, central India's Madhya Pradesh government suspended seven engineers over the design of the bridge. A 28 foot wide bridge that cost 200 million rupee -- around $2.3 million dollars U.S.).

What could be so wrong with this bridge, designed simply to cross over a length of railroad track? Maybe it's the shear length of the bridge, which clocks in at 648 meters, or four tenths of a mile. Yes, that is annoying, but the bridge does have to maneuver around existing structures once it is elevated. Maybe it's the wide curve on the road after a long straight section, making the bridge look like a huge question mark. Well, while that IS something to question, it's not the big problem.

Then what's the deal here? What is so bad about this overpass bridge? Why were seven engineers suspended?

It's because, once the ramp that runs parallel to the railroad tracks reaches it's full height it takes a turn to cross over the track. A near 90 degree turn. No. Not gradually. All at once. You're going one way and then, BAM, your car needs to be turned to face the side in some insane Tokyo drift maneuver.

SFX: CAR TIRES SQUEAL AS CAR DRIFTS AROUND CORNER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Now, in India, vehicles travel on the left side of the road. So, if you're coming up the ramp, at least you can have some clue about what is around the corner. But if you are coming DOWN the ramp, with the barrier wall on your left, it would be like that intersection I mentioned earlier where you don't know what's around the corner, but, in this case, there's no stopping. You just go!

Fortunately, the overpass is not in use. It is sitting there, in all its twist-and-turn glory, while the local government figures out how to fix the issue.

Here's a suggestion. Don't use a 90 degree turn.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

CLIP: THE NAME GAME

CLINTON

And now, let's celebrate 20 years of comedy4cast with this classic clip!

In this clip, from the October 3rd, 2011 episode of comedy4cast, I acknowledge that I'm horrible at remembering names and bring in a memory expert to help me. However, before I have them help me, I want to see how good they really are. So, I ask them to help someone else first. Good luck!

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

We shall start with the basics, which, as I have said before, is repetition. Here, here is a picture of a young woman. Do you remember her name? Of course you don't. I have not told her to you yet, but I will. Her name is Yolanda. Now, repeat after me -- Yolanda.

CAP

(mostly correctly)

Yolanda.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Yolanda.

CAP

(starting to drift)

Hhhhjoulanda.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Yolanda.

CAP

(way off correct pronounciation)

Hhhhhjulaaaanda.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Now, what is the woman's name?

CAP

(matter of factly)

Not a clue.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Think. Think with your mind. Her name rhymes with Rwanda.

CAP

Kate Beckinsale?

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

It is Yolanda. Yolanda!

CAP

She's got the same first and last name? You wouldn't think her parents would have seen that coming. "No, honey, don't call her Yorba Linda. Our last name is Yucatan!" Look, I've got to go. I've got to get to the Borders bookstore before it closes.

CLINTON

Cap, they've closed all the Borders.

CAP

Wow, they're really tightening up on those immigration policies.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Let's come at this from a different direction. A different angle, if you will. In this approach, we emphasize a particular sound in a name to help it stand out. We put the em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LAB-le, as it were. Clinton, would you please give me a name so I can demonstrate?

CLINTON

Sure.

(flatly)

Bill.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

(annoyed)

Perhaps one with more than one syllable?

CLINTON

Oh, right.

(with silent glee)

Jojo.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

(losing his patience)

And more than one sound?

CLINTON

Ugh, picky, picky, picky. Um, Yvette.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

All right, we will emphasize the first syllable instead of the second. Yvette instead of Yvette. You see? Yvette. Yvette. Yvette. Yvette. No, even I can't see the difference. Never mind.

CAP

(aside, to CLINTON)

This guy's a few corners short of a circle, if you know what I mean.

CLINTON

What?

CAP

Perhaps we should try a different approach. Cap, I want you to remember my name, which is Bernie.

CLINTON

(honestly shocked)

Really?

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Now, picture writing the name Bernie in the air.

CAP

With what?

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

What?

CAP

A pencil? A pen? Does a sharpie write in the air? I don't...

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Yes, yes. A Sharpie writes in the air.

CAP

Oh, okay.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Are you picturing it?

CAP

Nope.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Why not?

CAP

I don't have a Sharpie.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Pretend you have one!

CAP

Boy, this is a lot of work.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Now are you picturing it?

CAP

Nope.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

(going out of his mind)

Now why not?

CAP

Left the cap off too long. The darn thing's dried out.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

(trying to get a grip)

That's all right. Another technique is to picture writing the name on the person's forehead. It reinforces the memory, you see. So try that.

CAP

You're sure it's okay?

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Of course. Of course.

CAP

So what's your name again?

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Bernie.

CAP

How do you spell that?

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

B-E-R-N-I-E.

CAP

You sure about that?

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Yes, of course I am sure.

CAP

Well, I've got some bad news. I spelled it B-E-R-O-A-X.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Well, that is...

CAP

(interrupting)

C-7-open bracket-backslash.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

Well, right over it.

CAP

Tried to rub it off and now it's all smudgy. Can't read it.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

All right. Imagine I'm wearing a name tag.

CAP

Why are you wearing a name tag on your forehead?

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

It is on my jacket.

CAP

Now, hold on a minute. This imaginary name tag looks familiar.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

What?

CAP

It looks just like the ones we sell down in the gift shop. Where did you get this?

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

But I didn't...

CAP

Show me your receipt.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

I don't have a receipt. I didn't buy anything.

CAP

Whoa. I don't usually get a confession. Sweet. Come on, buddy. You're coming with me.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

This is ridiculous.

CAP

And then I'm going looking for your peeps.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

My peeps?

CAP

Your whole posse. Yolanda Yolanda, Bill, Jojo, Yvette, and Yvette.

SFX: ELEVATOR BELL RINGS AND ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN.

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

(yelling)

Call my lawyer!

CLINTON

Uh, sure. What's their name?

PROF. TREAUDOUNT

His name is, uh... Uh... Oh, irony of ironies.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News PAC. But first, a shout-out to the comedy4cast Patreon patrons, including our producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast and Kirby Bartlett-Sloan from the 20 Megabyte Doctor Who podcast. You too can support comedy4cast and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month. Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on patreon.com.

Story, voices and original music by me, Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2025. All rights reserved.

Talk to you again next time! But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

-- THE END --