833-Aug06

comedy4cast #833

Odd News PAC for August 6, 2025

"Field-Tested Fur"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to try to put out a podcast every day in August. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

We always take this MONTH to provide you with some interesting, yet totally useless Odd News. And this year, to celebrate the Platinum Anniversary of comedy4cast, or PAC for short, we'll end each Dog Days episode with part of a classic c4c episode. So, let's get started with "Odd News PAC"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY: HOT DOG!

CLINTON

Today we're off to a remote location, Kangaroo Island, in Southern Australia. This is the spot where, in November of 2023, Georgia Gardner and Josh Fishlock were on a camping trip when they discovered that their pet dog, Valerie, had run away from the campsite.

SFX: CROWD GASPS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Valerie had been microchipped and she was wearing an Apple AirTag on her collar. Unfortunately, the tagp needs Apple Bluetooth devices nearby to assist with tracking and Kagaroo Island is very sparsely populated, largely used for farming and livestock. And, we must point out, it is also home to numerous predators, including snakes and eagles.

SFX: SCREECH OF AN EAGLE.

CLINTON (cont'd)

There are also kangaroos. But since it's called Kangaroo Island, that seemed to be pretty much a given.

After days of searching, aided by members of the community, Gardner and Fishlock had to return home to mainland Australia -- without Valerie.

SFX: CROWD CRIES OUT "AWWW.

CLINTON (cont'd)

It was one of the hardest decisions Georgia and Josh had ever had to make. They left behind some of their clothes and some of Valerie's toys near the spot where she ran off.

SFX: TICKING OF CLOCK.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Days of waiting turned into weeks, then months. And hope began to turn into acceptance of the inevitable.

SFX: RECORD SCRATCH.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Okay, this is Odd News, not Sad News. Let's turn this one around!

In February of 2025, more than a year after Valerie had gone missing, a farmer on Kangaroo Island snapped a picture of a dog running through the fields. An odd hobby, but to each their own.

The photo eventually made it to the Kangala Wildlife Rescue. Although the team at Kangala Wildlife generally focus on wildlife, not pets, they had had been in contact with Georgia Gardner and Josh Fishlock since Valerie had gone missing and shared the photo. It was, indeed, Valerie.

SFX: CROWD YELLS "HURRAY!"

CLINTON (cont'd)

After 529 days in the wild, Valerie was still alive. Oh, and we left out one tiny detail. Valerie is a 10-pound miniature dachshund. You know. A wiener dog.

SFX: DACHSHUND BARKS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Now came the issue of trying to catch Valerie.

Lisa Karran, who runs Kangala Wildlife Rescue with her husband Jared said it was no small feat, not realizing the obvious joke value of the statement.

They figured it would only take a few days to catch the dachshund. They put out some standard latch-door traps and proceeded to catch brush-tail possums, feral casts, wallabies...pretty much everything EXCEPT Valerie.

Eventually they rigged up a big pen with a roof, several wildlife cameras and a remote-controlled door, setting it in the spot where the dog had last been seen. They replenished the enclosure daily with food like roast chicken, and filled it with Valerie's toys and clothes that carried the scent of her owners.

After a few failed attempts, where the miniature dachshund grabbed the food and ran -- how embarrassing to be slower than a wiener dog -- the team was finally able to close the remote-controlled door with Valerie inside.

Valerie was whisked off to the vet and got a bill -- I mean a clean bill of health. She'd even gained some weight. All muscle, apparently.

SFX: DACHSHUND BARKS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Georgia Gardner said that Valerie is now a bit more independent. She's still quite attached to her owners, but she's stronger and more on her own.

I'll bet. I'm guessing Valerie is a LOT different now. For instance, she's probably working the whole guilt-trip angle. "You want me to learn how to sit up and beg? Sure. No problem. Why wouldn't I want to do that for you. After all, you only left me alone on Kangaroo Island!"

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

CLIP: LET'S DOG EAR THAT

CLINTON

And now, let's celebrate 20 years of comedy4cast with this classic clip!

I thought this clip would be very appropriate to use, given the subject of that Odd News story. This episode was released on May 1st, 2008. It started an experiment that lives on even today. And it's one you can participate in. Let's go to me, so I can explain.

CLINTON (cont'd)

I have a mission for those of you who deal with corporate-speak business meetings. You know the kind of meeting I'm talking about. It's the kind of meeting where they use phrases like forward thinking, best practices, and takeaways. It's the kind of meeting where someone says they will reach out to their direct reports and repurpose their resources. Okay, well, I've often wondered where those phrases come from, and I've decided to try and start my own. I want to introduce the phrase dog ear into the lexicon of silly business speak. Let me give you the phrase in context. But first, if you're not familiar with the phrase, dog ear usually means that you fold down the corner of a page. It's a way of making a bookmark to hold your place. Now, let's use the phrase in our new way. You're in a business meeting and the topic starts to drift off. You want to put that topic aside and get back to the main topic. So you say, can we just dog ear that topic for now? Don't explain the phrase. No, no, just use it. If it's good business speak, people will sort of get the context and go with it. Or better yet, they'll pretend they understand it and start using it. See, my ultimate goal is I want to be in an airport or something like that on the other side of the country and hear someone use that phrase. Maybe they're talking on the cell phone or something. I don't know. But I want to see if this thing spreads. Now, kids, don't use this in school, all right? Business speak is a horrible thing and you're best off leaving it to the adults. It's okay to occasionally point and laugh when someone says synergistic monetization. Just don't make a habit of it.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News PAC. But first, a shout-out to the comedy4cast Patreon patrons, including our producer-level patron, Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast at windowtothemagic.com. You too can support comedy4cast and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month. Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on patreon.com.

Talk to you again next time! But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

-- THE END --