831-Aug04

comedy4cast #831

Odd News PAC for August 4, 2025

"TÜRKIYE LOAF"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

STEVE RUNNER.......................STEVE RUNNER

SCOTT JOHNSON......................SCOTT JOHNSON

DR. STEVE

FIDGERT.........................GRANT BACIOCCO

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to try to put out a podcast every day in August. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

We always take this MONTH to provide you with some interesting, yet totally useless Odd News. And this year, to celebrate the Platinum Anniversary of comedy4cast, or PAC for short, we'll end each Dog Days episode with part of a classic c4c episode. So, let's get started with "Odd News PAC"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY: EXPIRED BREAD

CLINTON

Archaeologists recently unveiled a rare culinary find: a well-preserved loaf of ancient bread.

The artifact was found during an archaeological excavation at the Kulluoba site in the Eskisehir province, located in central Turkey. The bread is roughly 5,000 years old and was baked during Turkey's Bronze Age. Hey, By the way, I thought it was now called Türkiye. So, I'm going with that.

Murat Türkteki, archaeologist and director of the excavation, told reporters that ancient bread is a "rare find." "Usually you only find crumbs." Well, sure. I think archaeology is one big case of following bread crumbs.

Anyway, since May, Turkish....Oh. Uh. Türkiye-ish bakers have been working to recreate the bread.

The recipe is based on an ancient wheat, which is best suited to drought conditions — shedding light on the climate of central Türkiye during the Bronze Age. Or Bread Age, in this case.

Serap Güler, the bakery's manager, revealed that the bread is made by combining ancestral wheat flour, lentils and bulgur. Apparently this produces a rich, satiating, low-gluten, preservative-free bread. So Whole Foods and Trader Joe's are interested.

The yellow cake-like loafs have reportedly been a hit with local residents. One customer said she was curious about the taste of the ancient bread. She rushed to the bakery to try it because she was afraid there wouldn't be any left. Calm down. The bread is already 5,000 years old, I think it will be around a few more weeks.

But here's the odd part -- researchers say this loaf of ancient bread they unearthed was BURNT and it was BURIED under the entrance of a dwelling dating back to 3,300 B.C. Apparently, some of the bread, which measures about 5 inches in diameter, was torn off before it was buried.

Of course, all that might have been part of some religious or cultural ritual. But, what if, just what if it was buried because the person who baked it was really bummed that they burned the bread and didn't want anyone to know. They took a big and said "Yeah. This is terrible. You know what, I'm just going to bury it here under the stairs and forget about it. I mean, it's not like anyone is going to come along in 5,000 years and dig it up. That would be crazy. But, just in case, I'll put some crumbs from this good loaf I baked all over the place, so there's no need to look under these stairs."

Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it. Okay. Maybe not. Maybe I just need to go to Olive Garden for endless breadsticks.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

CLIP: OBVIOUS SELF PROMOTION

CLINTON

And now, let's celebrate 20 years of comedy4cast with this classic clip!

This clip is from an episode that premiered on April 11, 2006. I was at a meet-up with fellow New England podcasters and had them read emails I had received and then I would respond to the question. Here's one sample:

STEVE RUNNER

This is Steve Runner from Fidipidations. Kim wrote in and asked, "Where do you get your ideas for your skits? Do you have comedy elves?"

CLINTON

No, Kim, there are no such things as comedy elves. The drama leprechauns told me so. But you're right, I don't come up with my own ideas. I actually have Scott Johnson from Extra Life Radio locked up in the basement working on concepts. Let's see how he's doing.

SFX: CREEKING OF BASEMENT DOOR BEING OPENED.

CLINTON (cont'd)

(yelling down into basement)

Hey, Johnson, what have you got?

SCOTT JOHNSON

Here's another idea, sir. It's about a webcomic artist locked in a basement, working up ideas for another podcaster's show.

CLINTON

No one's gonna buy a crazy premise like that. No video gaming for you. Now back to work.

SCOTT JOHNSON

Could you at least let me check in over at MyExtralife.com?

CLINTON

(laughs)

No need for that. I'm about to put your domain name up for sale on eBay.

MUSIC: DRAMATIC STING.

DR. STEVE

Did you hear that, Fidgert? He's stealing our gags, too.

FIDGERT

[unintelligible]

DR. STEVE

Wait till Dr. Floyd hears about this. Quick, Fidget, browse over to DoctorFloyd.com.

SFX: TYPING ON KEYBOARD.

FIDGERT

[unintelligible]

DR. STEVE

Yes, spell out doctor. And quick, before someone realizes that we're part of this skit full of obvious self-promotion.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News PAC. But first, a shout-out to the comedy4cast Patreon patrons, including our producer-level patron, Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast at windowtothemagic.com. You too can support comedy4cast and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month. Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on patreon.com.

Talk to you again next time! But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

-- THE END --