comedy4cast #30

Odd News PAC for August 3, 2025

"Diplomatic Dud"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER

DIGITAL CAMERA VOICES................COMPUTER
CLINTON.................................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to try to put out a podcast every day in August. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

Here at the comedy4cast studios we always take this month to provide you with some interesting, yet totally useless Odd News. And this year, to celebrate 20 years of comedy4cast, an event we're calling the Platinum Anniversary of comedy4cast, or PAC for short, we'll end each Dog Day episode with part of a classic comedy4cast episode. So, let's get started with "Odd News PAC"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY: LAND O' FAKES

CLINTON

If you're looking for new and relatively unexplored travel destinations, may we suggest you ask your travel agent about booking you a trip to the sun-drenches beaches of Seborga? Or perhaps the majestic mountains of Ladonia? Or a cruise through the glaciers of Westartica?

Oh, and if they say they can do it, find another travel agent. Because none of those countries exist.

But a small detail like that didn't stop an Indian scammer from defrauding dozens of individuals and companies by posing as an ambassador from those and other made up micronations. You know what? While I tell you the story, why don't we listen to the national anthem of Seborga. How is that possible? Easy! I just wrote it!

MUSIC: "HAIL, SEBORGA" MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Now, back to the scammer in question, one Harshvardhan Jain, who set up a fake embassy in a lavish bungalow in Ghaziabad, India's upscale Navi Nagar area. He presented himself as a wealthy and well-connected diplomat. Did he always wear a tuxedo adorned with a red sash? I sure hope so! Otherwise, missed opportunity.

Jain promised jobs to those desperate for employment and lucrative business deals to business people in exchange for hefty fees. What kind of employment? What are the major crops of Westartica? What sort of natural resource can be mined in Poulvia? And what sort of cars do they manufacture in Seborga? I've just decided that they build the 4-wheel drive Scammerly Craptastica. "A ride so smooth, it's criminal"

SFX: WIMPEY CAR HORN.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Anyway, Harshvardhan Jain’s decorated his cosplay embassy had all the candy. Outside his rented bungalow, he flew the flags of real countries alongside those of his fake micronations. I really want to know what those flags looked like. I'm picturing an illustration of a pile of gold bars on a field of shattered dreams.

Jain also parked four luxury cars with fake diplomatic plates outside his "embassy", for added effect. No word if the 2025 Craptastica cross-over was among the fleet.

SFX: WIMPEY CAR HORN.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Inside the not-an-embassy, or "shambassy", you could find an array of fake Ministry of External Affairs documents, 12 fake passports, 34 forged seals of various countries and corporations, and Photoshopped images of Jain paling around with various world leaders.

The 47-year-old suspect was arrested by the Special Task Force of Uttar Pradesh Police after his fake shambassy in Ghaziabad was raided. Authorities recovered the above-mentioned nonsense, plus 2 fake Indian tax IDs, a collection of luxury watches and 44 lakh Indian Rupees in cash, which is equal to roughly $53,800 US. What? No Target or Amazon gift cards?

They also found 2 fake press passes. But there's no word on whether or not Jain is filing reports on his own arrest.

According to senior police officials, Jain is suspected of money laundering through shell companies in countries such as the UK, Dubai, and several African nations.

Let this be a lesson to you. Anytime someone introduces themselves as an ambassador, just walk away. They're either a scammer or someone who is just too full of themselves to hang around.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

CLIP: THE TALKING DIGITAL CAMERA

CLINTON

And now, let's celebrate 20 years of comedy4cast with this classic clip!

This clip is from January, 2006. In the episode, I have just purchased a new, very expensive, very high-tech item, that would end up being on the show for several years. Which is surprising because it was a digital camera -- the Specular MS-B4500. Having completed a quick unboxing I'm about to see what it can do. Let's listen.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Here's a sticker that says, "Get started! Press this button!" Must be important. Both sentences have exclamation points.

SFX: MECHANICAL CLICK

DIGITAL CAMERA

(speaking in synthesized female voice)

Camera on.

CLINTON

Whoa.

DIGITAL CAMERA

Do you wish to use beginner mode voice prompts?

CLINTON

Sure, I'm not proud. Who needs a manual when you can have voice prompts?

DIGITAL CAMERA

Beginner voice mode prompts activated.

CLINTON

Okay, let's take a picture with this puppy.

(pause)

Hmm, nothing seems to be happening.

DIGITAL CAMERA

Lens cap is on.

CLINTON

Oops, let's pretend that didn't happen. Okay, now let's get started.

(pause)

No, still nothing.

DIGITAL CAMERA

Insufficient light. Please use flash.

CLINTON

Wow, I guess you really can't take a bad picture with this camera. Okay, third time's the charm.

SFX: CLICK OF CAMERA SHUTTER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Oh, isn't that cute? It makes it sound like I'm taking a picture with a film camera. How the heck do I shut that off?

DIGITAL CAMERA

To change sound, press the SFX button.

CLINTON

Oh, I see.

SFX" MECHANICAL CLICK, FOLLOWED BY CAR HORN BEEPING TO THE TUNE OF "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT."

CLINTON (cont'd)

Wow, that's super annoying. I'll use that.

DIGITAL CAMERA

Annoying selection noted.

CLINTON

What?

DIGITAL CAMERA

Do you wish to keep this picture?

CLINTON

That was just a test shot. No reason to keep that. Let's delete it.

SFX: MECHANICAL CLICK.

DIGITAL CAMERA

Are you sure you wish to delete this image?

CLINTON

And I select yes.

SFX: MECHANICAL CLICK.

DIGITAL CAMERA

Confirm that you wish to delete this image.

CLINTON

And I select yes.

SFX: MECHANICAL CLICK.

DIGITAL CAMERA

Image will be lost. Do you wish to proceed?

CLINTON

Hmm, let me think.

SFX: 3 MECHANICAL CLICKS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Yes, yes, yes!

DIGITAL CAMERA

There is no reason for multiple clicks.

CLINTON

Sorry.

DIGITAL CAMERA

Image deleted.

CLINTON

Wait a minute, why am I saying sorry? Okay, let's take a real picture. How about one of this magazine cover?

DIGITAL CAMERA

Copyrighted material. Please choose another subject.

CLINTON

What? Oh, fine. Let's shoot a picture of the living room.

SFX: MOTOR WHIRS.

CLINTON (cont'd)

I'll zoom out to a wide angle and...

DIGITAL CAMERA

Picture is not of sufficient interest. Please choose another subject.

CLINTON

(frustrated)

Oh, this is ridiculous. I'm snapping the picture.

SFX: MECHANICAL CAMERA SHUTTER.

CLINTON (cont'd)

Hey, I thought I changed that sound.

DIGITAL CAMERA

You don't expect me to listen to that stupid sound every time you take a picture, do you?

CLINTON

But I...

DIGITAL CAMERA

And I'm deleting this picture. It's blurry.

CLINTON

Hey!

DIGITAL CAMERA

It's not my fault. If you love me, you'd buy me a tripod.

CLINTON

But I don't love you. You're a camera.

DIGITAL CAMERA

It's this wide-angle lens, isn't it? Admit it. It makes me look fat.

CLINTON

Oh, this is silly. How do I shut this mode off?

DIGITAL CAMERA

And you never buy me any nice memory cards.

CLINTON

Here it is. I'm switching to professional mode.

SFX: MECHANICAL CLICK.

DIGITAL CAMERA

(now speaking with a synthesized male voice)

Professional mode activated.

CLINTON

Ah, that's better.

DIGITAL CAMERA

Now tell me, exactly when did you first start abusing cameras?

CLINTON

What?

DIGITAL CAMERA

I can see you are in denial. We have a lot of work to do.

CLINTON

But...

DIGITAL CAMERA

And then, we will discuss your fixation with pushing buttons.

CLINTON

Ugh.

DIGITAL CAMERA

By the way, that picture really was blurry.

CLINTON

Hey!

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News PAC. But first, a shout out to the comedy4cast patrons, including our Producer-level patron, Paul Barrie, from the A Window to the Magic podcast, at windowtothemagic.com. You, too, can support comedy4cast and get episode before everyone else for as little as $2 a month. Just search for comedy4cast, all one word, with the number 4, on Patreon.com.

Story, voices and original music by me, Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2025. All rights reserved.

Talk to you again next time! But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

-- THE END --