comedy4cast #800

Odd News+ for Thursday, August 8

"Long Train Running"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 800: Long Train Running

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to try to put out a podcast every day in August. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

Here at the comedy4cast studio we've been working on a new format for this year's dog days. Sure, like in years past, there will be an actual odd news story, but that's not all. So, let's get started with "Odd News+"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 1: WEEDS

CLINTON

Here are our Odd News stories for Thursday, August 8, 2024.

First up, it's time to check out the Mid-Aged Farmer's Almanac again. This tip is for people who find weeds in their flower gardens.

The book reminds you that weeds are really just like any other plant. It's just that they've ended up in a place where you don't want them. It suggests that the easiest way to solve this problem is to serve them with an eviction notice.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 2: MBTA DRIVER AS RECORD-SETTER

CLINTON

Now lets get to our actual, for-real Odd News story...

The Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority -- or, as it's more commonly known, the MBTA or simply "The T" -- or, as it is most commonly used in a sentence, "F[bleep]ing T! Where is the f[beep]ing train?"

Where was I? Oh. Right

An 81-year-old Boston woman who drives trains for the T was recently named the world's oldest train operator by Guinness World Records.

Is that something you want to promote? I guess. Maybe.

Helen Antenucci, started working for the MBTA in 1995, and has been driving Blue Line trains for nearly three decades. According to Antenucci, she started working for the T because she has five daughters and it was a way to get out of the house to catch some peace and quiet.

I'm not sure that's quite the inspirational message your passengers want to hear. "It was either this or working at the library. And at the library you have to stand up."

A co-worker applied to Guinness World Records on her behalf. Antenucci didn't know about the application until the record was made official. That's either very nice of the co-worker or the most passive-agressive shade ever thrown.

"You have got to be the world's oldest train operator. And now it's official! Bam!"

Here at Odd News+, we salute Antenucci and everyone who stays active and pursues their dreams. We're sorry we couldn't be at the party. But the F[beep]ing train was late.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 3: BIRDWATCHING

CLINTON

And finally, coming up tomorrow on Odd News+ -- Birdwatching. Innocent hobby or voyeuristic crisis. To find out, we send 19 lab mice out into the field, each outfitted with binoculars to investigate this burning question. Unfortunately, some of the mice were using the wrong end of the binoculars, so the hawks they were observing were way closer than they appeared to be. Remy and Hazelnut, you will be missed.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News+. A big thanks to the comedy4cast patrons for helping make this show possible.

Story, voices and original music by Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.

Talk to you tomorrow. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

-- THE END --