comedy4cast #788

BIG SHOT

Chapter 20: Wiping The Slate Clean

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.....................COMPUTER

CLINTON

GENERAL KALAMITY

GILES

DANNY HILLCREST...............CLINTON ALVORD

NARRATOR.........................GARY J. CHAMBERS

CINDY

ABBY FALMACHER................BONNIE KENDERDINE

MAÎTRE D'........................NATHAN ALVORD

PERRY J. OSHMONT.................GRANT JOHNSON

CLEANING CREW 1..................CHUCK TOMASI

CLEANING CREW 2..................KREG STEPPE

INTRO 20-1: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: CHIRP AS ID BACKGROUND ENDS.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" INSTRUMENTAL IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

This is the 2023 comedy4cast Podcast Spectacular, brought to you by the fantastic Patreon patrons. Thank you.

Why not join Gary, Darren, Stan, and the other amazing individuals who support the show for as little as a dollar a month?

This year's original 20-chapter story is called "Big Shot". To hear it from the beginning, go to comedy4cast.com/2023. And remember, comedy4cast is all one word, with the number 4. Now, here's Chapter 20: Wiping The Slate Clean.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" UP AND PLAYS TO END.

MUSIC: "BIG SHOT" THEME (SHORT VERSION) IN AND PLAYS TO END.

NARRATOR

Previously in our story, Danny Hillcrest's movie premiered on 5 screens at the underground Cine-Round-a-Dome. But, due to shifting demographics at the cable channel that greenlit the film, this was not the lighthearted romp people were expecting. In fact, the film was a disaster. No. Literally a disaster. With explosions and everything. And, as a twist, Middling Fair was the target of the destruction, not Grassssssside Greene.

Everyone watching the movie from inside "Princess," the 1976 Tiara Megacoach tri-axle school bus, was sure people would hate the unexpected tone shift. But, checking social media right after the film ended painted a different picture.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: RECAP FLASHBACK AUDIO SHOULD BE PROCESSED TO INDICATE IT IS NOT AN EVENT OCCURRING IN REAL TIME.

KALAMITY

According to all these posts, everyone from Grassssssside Greene loves this thing.

SFX: GROWING SHOUTS OF "DANNY! DANNY!" CAN BE HEARD.

CINDY

(unable to comprehend the crowd's joy)

Like, I think Danny's a hero. At least to, like, Grassssssside Greene.

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

SCENE 20-2: HOTEL BALLROOM - EVENING

SFX; A CROWD OF PEOPLE CELEBRATING. THE POPPING OF CORKS, LOTS OF CONVERSATION.

NARRATOR

As this chapter begins, a few hours have passed, Miss Falmacher has invited dignitaries from both towns to gather in the main ballroom of the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers for a post-movie celebration. Fortunately, the end of the month means the hotel staff is finally returning. Just in time to dispense food and drink. The room is all abuzz about the evening's exciting premiere.

SFX: DOG BARKS.

ABBY

I agree, Mayor Barkley.

SFX: DOG BARKS.

ABBY (cont'd)

If it hadn't been for my insistence on bringing an arcade game into the lobby, I think the movie would have missed out on one of its best scenes.

SFX: DOG BARKS.

MAÎTRE D'

Maybe. But I think I should consider ordering more toothpicks for the restaurant, no?

SFX: LAUGHTER STRONG, THEN FADES INTO BACKGROUND.

NARRATOR

Taking a break from all the attention, Danny sits in a corner of the ballroom, idly doodling.

SFX: SCRIBBLING.

SFX: CELL PHONE RINGS.

DANNY

Hi! Danny Hillcrest here!

SOMEWHERE IN THE PHILIPPINES - DAY (CONTINUOUS)

SFX: JUNGLE ENVIRONMENT.

SFX: GENERAL CONSTRUCTION NOISE.

OSHMONT

(speaking a bit loudly)

Hello, Danny. It's Perry J. Oshmont. I wanted to...

(turning away to speak loudly to crew)

Okay. Hard stop, people. We have a little course correction to make on this film. Forget the volcano. This movie is now about the rocks.

(back to speaking to DANNY, but now in a conversational voice)

Sorry about that. I hear the the premiere went great.

DANNY (OVER PHONE)

It sure did!

HOTEL BALLROOM (CONTINUOUS)

DANNY

I can't haltingly wait for it to be on LOW tomorrow night.

OSHMONT (OVER SPEAKER)

Yeah. About that. I was just speaking with Trudie Gerda, the Senior VP of Creative Operations. Apparently there's been another rebranding at LOW. Action is out, documentaries are in.

DANNY

Do I love it?

SOMEWHERE IN THE PHILIPPINES (CONTINUOUS)

OSHMONT

Probably not. It means they won't be showing the movie. But get this, if we had actually shot it in Middling Fair, we probably could have shown it. Pretty funny, huh?

HOTEL BALLROOM (CONTINUOUS)

DANNY

Hilariously "ha".

OSHMONT (OVER PHONE

Okay. Well, I've got to go.

SOMEWHERE IN THE PHILIPPINES (CONTINUOUS)

OSHMONT

Time is money, especially here in the Philippines. Hey, the next time you're in LA, let's do lunch.

DANNY (OVER PHONE)

I don't think so.

HOTEL BALLROOM (CONTINUOUS)

DANNY

After a bad franken-hot dog experience at Tail o' the Pup back in 2016, I vowed I'd never eat lunch in that town again.

SOMEWHERE IN THE PHILIPPINES (CONTINUOUS)

OSHMONT

M'kay. Ciao!

SFX: CLICK OF PHONE DISCONNECTING.

OSHMONT (cont'd)

(contemplative)

Huh. Yeah, I never did find out what "A RAM SANG" was all about. But I don't think he wants to hear from me again right now. Oh, well. It probably wouldn't have explained anything about Danny's life anyway.

(grunting as he stands up)

All right people, let's get back to work. We're losing the light.

MUSIC: TRANSITION STING.

SCENE 20-3: HOTEL BALLROOM - EVENING

NARRATOR

A few hours later, after the crowd has gone home, a small crew of returning housekeepers is going about the job of cleaning up after the party.

SFX: GLASSES CLINK AS THEY ARE BEING COLLECTED FROM THE TABLE.

SFX: A VACUUM CLEANER OFF IN THE DISTANCE.

CLEANING CREW 1

(not happy to be back)

Oh, sure. They have the big party in here. Do we get invited? No. Do we have to clean up? Yes.

CLEANING CREW 2

(he's heard all this before)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just clear off that table. We gotta grab all these sheets and wash 'em. The hotel's gonna be back open again in a couple of days.

CLEANING CREW 1

Okay. Okay. Hey! Check this out.

SFX: GLASSES STOP CLINKING AS THE CREW FOCUSES ON A TABLECLOTH.

MUSIC: DRAMATIC MUSIC IN AND UNDER, SHIFTING TONE AS THE DIALOGUE DEMANDS.

CLEANING CREW 1 (cont'd)

Someone wrote all over this one. In pen! It's a bunch of gibberish. "MA RAN GAS," "MAN AS RAG," "A RAM SANG". Whaddaya make of all that?

CLEANING CREW 2

You're answer's right there. That first word.

CLEANING CREW 1

"ANAGRAMS"? You mean whoever was writing all this was just making anagrams out of the word "ANAGRAMS"? What an idiot!

CLEANING CREW 2

Be sure to put extra bleach on that one when you wash it.

SCENE 20-4: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

NARRATOR

Will Danny's movie ever see the light of day again? Will Perry J. Oshmont ever finish his next project? And will anyone stop the cleaning crew from wiping out Danny's scribbles?

SFX: RUSTLE OF FABRIC.

SFX: WASHING MACHINE DOOR SLAMS. WATER STARTS FILLING MACHINE.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

Well, for possible answers to other questions, be sure to keep listening to comedy4cast. And be sure to return next April -- even if it's in May -- or June. Or July! For another big event. But for now, this is your humble narrator, Gary, saying "Thank you for listening to this tale from Middling Fair. We hope you enjoyed it."

MUSIC: INSTRUMENTAL VERSION OF "OUR MAN OSHMONT" IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

Like the show? Be sure to subscribe to the show so you never miss an episode. It's easy. Just go to comedy4cast -- all one word, with the number 4 -- and you'll find lots places to add us, like Apple podcasts, Amazon Music and iHeartRadio.

In this episode, as Cindy and Abby Falmacher, Bonnie Kenderdine; as the Maître D', Nathan Alvord; as Perry J. Oshmont, Grant Johnson (voiceGranted.com); as Cleaning Crew Member 1, Chuck Tomasi, and Cleaning Crew Member 2, Kreg Steppe, both from from the Technorama Podcast (chuckchat.com/technorama), and The Topic is Trek podcast, (thetopicistrek.com). And the Narrator was played by Gary J. Chambers, (garyjchambersvo.com).

Additional voices, as well as story and music by Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

See you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.

MUSIC: UP AND PLAYS TO END.