comedy4cast episode #784

BIG SHOT

Chapter 16: Paying The Price

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER...................COMPUTER

CLINTON

DANNY HILLCREST

GILES

DETECTIVE HAARTTE

CAP.........................CLINTON ALVORD

NARRATOR.......................GARY J. CHAMBERS

STRANGER/PERRY J. OSHMONT......GRANT JOHNSON

ABBY FALMACHER.................BONNIE KENDERDINE

MAÎTRE D'......................NATHAN ALVORD

INTRO 16-1: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: CHIRP AS ID BACKGROUND ENDS.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" INSTRUMENTAL IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

This is the 2023 comedy4cast Podcast Spectacular, brought to you by the fantastic Patreon patrons. Thank you!

Why not join Darren, Stan, Zack, and the other amazing individuals who support the show for as little as a dollar a month.

This year's original 20-chapter story is called "Big Shot". To hear it from the beginning, got to comedy4cast.com/2023. And remember, comedy4cast is all one word, with the number 4. Now, here's Chapter 16: Paying The Price.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" UP AND PLAYS TO END.

MUSIC: "BIG SHOT" THEME (SHORT VERSION) IN AND PLAYS TO END.

NARRATOR

Previously in our story, the mysterious stranger returned to the Venus Arms hotel, resolved to finally locate Danny Hillcrest at all costs. But, instead, the staff trapped him in the hotel's revolving door.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: RECAP FLASHBACK AUDIO SHOULD BE PROCESSED TO INDICATE IT IS NOT AN EVENT OCCURRING IN REAL TIME.

STRANGER

Let me out.

ABBY

I don't think so. You'll just keep looking for Danny. And we can't let you find him.

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

NARRATOR

The staff was convinced that the stranger meant to harm Danny. But, while they waited for the police to arrive, Danny came in through the back door of the hotel, surprising Miss Falmacher.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: FLASHBACK AUDIO PROCESSING.

ABBY

Danny? You need to go. Run!

DANNY

First, I needingly have to give you this heavy box.

SFX: BOX FALLS TO THE FLOOR WITH A THUD.

ABBY

Copy paper?

DANNY

When I was outputtingly printing my scripts, I used some of the hotel's supply.

ABBY

(suspiciously)

How much?

DANNY

All of it! I knew you wouldn't be happy if you found out. So I bought you more.

RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE...

SCENE 16-2: INT. HOTEL LOBBY - DAY

NARRATOR

As our chapter begins, the stranger is still trapped inside the revolving doors.

CAP is gently snoring in the background.

STRANGER'S voice is muffled behind glass as he speaks.

SFX: RATTLE OF REVOLVING DOOR HANDLE.

STRANGER

If you don't let me out, I can't give Danny what he has coming.

DANNY

Oh! Something for me?!

SFX: FOOTSTEPS RUSHING ACROSS THE LOBBY.

NARRATOR

Danny rushes towards the revolving door.

GILES

Danny! Don't!

HAARTTE

Watch out, Hillcrest! He's reaching for something in his jacket!

NARRATOR

Everyone flinches, expecting the worst, but the stranger simply pulls out sheets of paper and slams them against the glass of the revolving door.

SFX: THUD AS PAPER AND PALM HIT THE GLASS.

CAP

(waking with a start)

Xylophone!

MAÎTRE D'

Papier? What sort of a weapon is papier?

ABBY

What does it say, Jules?

MAÎTRE D'

Moi?

ABBY

You're closest.

NARRATOR

Cautiously, the maitre d' inches towards the door and inspects the text.

MAÎTRE D'

It's a contract. On Danny!

SFX: GASPS.

SFX: ANOTHER SLAM AGAINST THE REVOLVING DOORS WINDOW.

MAÎTRE D' (cont'd)

(realizing he has translated incorrectly)

Non. Je suis désolé. I mean for Danny. It is a contract for Danny to...

(straining to read the words, no hint of surprise in his voice)

produce his movie script.

OSHMONT

(trying to remain calm, hoping to get out of the revolving doors)

My real name is Perry J. Oshmont. I work with The LOW Channel. I want to make Danny's rom com movie.

GILES

You do?

ABBY

You do?

MAÎTRE D'

You do?

HAARTTE

You do?

DANNY

You do?

CINDY

(A beat after the rest.)

Like, ditto.

OSHMONT

Yes! I was using an alias so no one would recognize me.

GILES

Well, you could have picked a better one.

OSHMONT

But I need Danny to sign this -- right away!

ABBY

Don't just sit there, Cap. Let the man out!

CAP

Stop the door. Start the door.

SFX: BUZZER SERVES TO INDICATE RELEASE HAS BEEN PRESSED.

CAP (cont'd)

What am I? Some kind of doorman?

SFX: REVOLVING DOOR RESUMES AND SWINGS ALL THE WAY AROUND.

CAP (cont'd)

No. Really. Am I?

ABBY

Right this way, Mr. Oshmont. You can use my office. I hope you won't take that whole "We think you're a hit man" thing too personally.

OSHMONT

(still regaining his composure)

Uh huh. Lead the way.

SFX: TWO SETS OF FOOTSTEPS.

OSHMONT (cont'd)

I need witnesses for the contract, too.

ABBY

Come along, Danny.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS STOP.

ABBY (cont'd)

Danny?

NARRATOR

No one has noticed that Danny Hillcrest had not said a word in several minutes.

The following responses from GILES, CINDY, CAP and MAÎTRE D' are said in rapid order.

GILES

Oh, I noticed.

CAP

I certainly noticed.

CINDY

Like, me, too.

MAÎTRE D'

Oui.

HAARTTE

We just didn't want to jinx it by saying anything.

DANNY

They want to make my movie?

ABBY

Yes. Now come into the office so this nice man can go over the details with you.

DANNY

They want to make my movie?

ABBY

Oh, for goodness sake. Cindy, Detective Haartte, will you help "frozen boy" into the office please?

SFX: TRANSITION WOOSH.

INT. 16-3: ABBY'S OFFICE - DAY

SFX: DOOR OPENS.

SFX: TWO SETS OF FOOTSTEPS CROSS THE ROOM.

ABBY

Here, Mr. Oshmont, you can sit behind my desk.

SFX: CHAIR SLIDES OUT.

ABBY (cont'd)

Danny, you sit there.

SFX: BODY BEING DRAGGED ALONG THE FLOOR.

NARRATOR

But Danny is still in shock. His body is as stiff as a board.

HAARTTE

Maybe if we angle him right, we can prop him in the chair like a two by four.

CINDY

Like, whatever.

SFX: CHAIR SHIFTS.

SFX: BODY BEING PLOPPED INTO SEAT.

HAARTTE

Close enough.

OSHMONT

Now, Danny, this contract allows me to produce your script. In return, my production company will pay you the sum of fifty thousand dollars.

DANNY

Fifty thousand dollars?

ABBY

(delighted)

Ooh. That's a lot of money, Danny. With that kind of cash you can make a down payment on a house. Anywhere. Even far away from Chasm Valley.

OSHMONT

(moving right along)

And we're only interested in developing pages 83 through 142. We don't usually get TV movie scripts that are over 500 pages long.

DANNY

Oh, I could increasingly make it longer!

OSHMONT

No! No. That's fine. Now. Just sign here.

CINDY

Like, shouldn't Danny hire a lawyer first to, like, read over the contract?

ABBY

With what money?

DANNY

Don't worry, Cindy! Once I have fifty thousand dollars I can hire one.

CINDY

But, like --

ABBY

(interrupting)

Here, Danny. Use this complimentary Public Access pen.

SFX: PEN SIGNS PAPER.

OSHMONT

And I need two witnesses.

HAARTTE

Why, Oshmont? What exactly did you do? Was it...murder?!

OSHMONT

For the contract. Miss Falmacher?

ABBY

Certainly.

SFX: PEN SIGNING PAPER.

OSHMONT

Cindy?

CINDY

Like, whatever.

SFX: PEN SIGNING PAPER.

HAARTTE

(under his breath)

I'm not sure that's two different signatures.

SFX: PAPER BEING FOLDED.

OSHMONT

All right.

SFX: CHAIR SLIDING OUT.

OSHMONT (cont'd)

I need to get moving on this production right away.

DANNY

Oh boy! Hollywood! It'll be just like I pictured it. Skyscrapers and every kiss begins with K!

OSHMONT

Oh. I'm sorry, Danny, but my production company doesn't have the budget for that. And I can't ask the LOW Channel for more. All the cable channels are on pretty shaky ground these days.

HAARTTE

Of course you are. You're all based in LA. What were you thinking?

OSHMONT

They want something that will produce buzz for the channel. That's why we want to have this movie out for Arbor Day.

ABBY

That's a year away. I guess that might be enough time.

OSHMONT

No. I mean this Arbor Day. We need to get in front of the cameras ASAP. But, I had an idea for speeding things up. I'm thinking the movie could take place in Chasm Valley.

The following lines overlap, creating a sense of excitement.

ABBY

What a wonderful idea!

CINDY

Like, I guess that's cool.

DANNY

I love it! No. Really!

HAARTTE

That just might work.

DANNY

I love it!

OSHMONT

I'll take that as a yes. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go have a long call with my team and Sid Rawlston.

ABBY

Who?

OSHMONT

Sid Rawlston is the Senior VP of Creative Development. Sid and I go way back. Then, tomorrow morning, I'll be heading out first thing. Let's get this thing done!

SFX: DOOR CLOSES.

ABBY

(clearly excited)

I can't believe it. They're going to shoot a movie right here in our town.

HAARTTE

At last! People will finally hear about what goes on here in Middling Fair! That's never happened before.

CINDY

Like, what about the podcast?

HAARTTE

Podcast?

CINDY

You know, like, Lenny's Basically Podcast Show.

ABBY

No offense, dear, but no one listens to that.

SFX; IM TONE.

CINDY

Like, Nomad 451 just sent you an instant message. But I don't think I can repeat it.

ABBY

We should do something special for Mr. Oshmont. And I think I know just the thing!

OUTRO 16-4: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

NARRATOR

What does Abby have in mind? Maybe there'll be cake. Mmmmmmmm. Cake. For answers, and maybe even recipes, be sure to come back for Chapter 17: A Fitting Farewell.

MUSIC: TRANSITION STING.

MUSIC: END CREDITS VERSION OF "BIG SHOT" THEME IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

Like the show? Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. It's easy. Just go to comedy4cast -- all one word, with the number 4 -- and you'll find lots ways to add us, like Spotify, Stitcher and TuneIn.

In this episode; as the Stranger/Perry J. Oshmont, Grant Johnson (voicegranted.com); as Abby Falmacher, Bonnie Kenderdine; as the maître d', Nathan Alvord. And the Narrator was played by Gary J. Chambers (garyjchambersvo.com).

Additional voices, as well as story and music by Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

See you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.

MUSIC: UP AND PLAYS TO END.