1 00:00:00,020 --> 00:00:04,400 comedy4cast is the official podcast of printed receipts, 2 00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:09,320 USB cables, and baking soda and vinegar volcanoes. 3 00:00:11,980 --> 00:00:16,500 The comedy4cast Network. Let's dog ear that for now. 4 00:00:19,579 --> 00:00:22,680 Oh, hi. You're here. Welcome to the show. 5 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:30,820 I'm Clinton, and this is comedy4cast, episode 859, Future Things Now. 6 00:00:31,260 --> 00:00:35,560 We're going to be hearing from someone who hasn't been on the show for a while. 7 00:00:35,740 --> 00:00:38,080 And you may even learn a thing or two. 8 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:42,299 At the very least, it could give you some last-minute tech gift ideas. 9 00:00:42,620 --> 00:00:47,840 But before that, a quick reminder, you can support this spunky little show by becoming a patron. 10 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:53,840 Head over to patreon.com and search for comedy4cast all one word with the 11 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:59,180 number 4 or click on the link on the comedy4cast home page and thank 12 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:02,180 you. Now let's have some fun. 13 00:01:09,410 --> 00:01:12,410 My guest today is someone we've had on the show in the past. 14 00:01:12,610 --> 00:01:17,050 He is someone who has correctly predicted every major technological innovation 15 00:01:17,130 --> 00:01:23,630 over the past 60 years, as well as a real clunker, so-called wireless pants. 16 00:01:24,030 --> 00:01:27,730 Please welcome back to the show, Dr. Malcolm Edelstein. 17 00:01:28,190 --> 00:01:33,209 Thanks. It's great to be back. Finally. Yes, it has been a while, hasn't it? 18 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:37,470 You know, things got a bit crazy around here for a while. What with the change 19 00:01:37,550 --> 00:01:40,510 from daylight saving time to standard time and whatnot. 20 00:01:40,930 --> 00:01:45,810 It's been 10 years. And wow, did that time fly by. 21 00:01:46,130 --> 00:01:50,690 But I'm sure it gave you plenty of opportunities to come up with some new technological 22 00:01:50,770 --> 00:01:52,290 advances to tell us about. 23 00:01:52,670 --> 00:01:55,970 You still not interested in those wireless pants? No. 24 00:01:56,270 --> 00:02:02,290 Please, doctor. I hear they're coming back into style real soon. I'm sure they are. 25 00:02:02,430 --> 00:02:08,210 But listen, I have to correct you. I did miss one or two tech trends over the years, like AI. 26 00:02:08,730 --> 00:02:12,030 How could you miss that one? Hey, it's not my fault. 27 00:02:12,290 --> 00:02:15,669 After Furbies came out, I figured we had learned our lesson. 28 00:02:15,889 --> 00:02:17,590 But apparently I was wrong. 29 00:02:17,910 --> 00:02:22,750 All right, let's discuss something else. Do not get me started on Teddy Ruxpin. 30 00:02:22,990 --> 00:02:27,889 No, I wanted to ask, are you still doing consulting work with tech companies? 31 00:02:28,250 --> 00:02:32,250 I sure am, which is a great segue into my first new product. 32 00:02:32,330 --> 00:02:37,310 I'm sure everyone out there in your audience is familiar with subscription services. 33 00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:42,350 Ouch. Way too familiar. It's like everything is a subscription these days. 34 00:02:42,790 --> 00:02:47,030 Exactly. That's why a company I work with has developed a solution. 35 00:02:47,530 --> 00:02:50,110 Suprscription. The subscription subscription. 36 00:02:50,810 --> 00:02:52,510 Excuse me? I know, right? 37 00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:57,860 They left out the E in Superscription. I told them no one does that kind of thing anymore. 38 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:02,000 But what can you do? They pay the bills, at least as long as they can secure 39 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:03,220 another round of funding. 40 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:07,220 But what is this thing? You said it was a subscription subscription? 41 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:13,060 For one low, low, vague six or seven digits price, Suprscription will automatically 42 00:03:13,140 --> 00:03:16,760 give you access to every single subscription thing. 43 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:21,980 Meaning? Meaning it includes everything. Adobe Creative Cloud, 44 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:27,440 Planet Fitness, PlayStation Plus, plus Disney Plus, plus Paramount Plus, 45 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:31,120 plus Apple Plus, plus Spotify, and Pandora. 46 00:03:31,220 --> 00:03:33,440 That's still a thing? Apparently. 47 00:03:34,060 --> 00:03:38,220 Huh. HelloFresh, FreshBooks, The Book of the Month Club, Audible, 48 00:03:38,540 --> 00:03:44,340 Dropbox, Dollar Shave Club, Xfinity, Spectrum, and Optimum Cable TV, plus... 49 00:03:44,420 --> 00:03:49,320 What about Cox? You know, the last time I was on this show, it was mostly work-safe 50 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:50,740 and kind of family-friendly. 51 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,700 No, Doctor. I mean Cox Communications. 52 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:58,020 Oh, is that a subscription thing? It certainly is. 53 00:03:58,220 --> 00:04:02,620 Then it's in here. And so are subscriptions to NordVPN, Canva, 54 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:08,820 Squarespace, Shopify, and even TikTok, Instagram, Blue Sky, and Facebook. 55 00:04:09,180 --> 00:04:13,380 Hold on, Doctor. You don't have to pay for those last four. Or as soon as they 56 00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:17,460 hear about superscription, you will, Daddy needs a new superyacht. 57 00:04:17,660 --> 00:04:20,120 I do have to admit, that's a lot of subscriptions. 58 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:24,680 You got that right. But not as many as you get with superscription plus. 59 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:31,080 Plus? That also includes signing you up for Verizon, AT&T, and T-Mobile, 60 00:04:31,399 --> 00:04:33,520 along with your local energy supplier. 61 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:38,640 Hold on, hold on. How much does all this cost? I can answer that question as 62 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:41,880 soon as some schmuck actually signs up for this thing. Well, 63 00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:45,680 it sounds like that's a bit out of reach for the average person. 64 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:49,680 Do you have anything else that's a bit more reasonable? Oh, boy, 65 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:52,760 do I. That isn't wireless pants? 66 00:04:53,180 --> 00:04:57,240 Did I mention there are also wireless Bermuda shorts? Doctor, please. 67 00:04:57,620 --> 00:05:03,100 What about cargo pants? You were going to give us some more down-to-earth tech products? 68 00:05:03,339 --> 00:05:07,560 Okay, fine. Let's talk about sound. First, there were speakers. 69 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:11,060 Very nice. Then things got smaller with headphones. 70 00:05:11,420 --> 00:05:18,260 Then tiny with earphones. And then earbuds. the least descriptive name of them all. 71 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:21,320 And now someone has come up with something even smaller. 72 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,800 Smaller? Are you kidding? Well, I thought... What? 73 00:05:24,940 --> 00:05:27,960 You carry around an electron microscope with you wherever you go, 74 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,020 Mr. Fancy Non-Wireless Pants? 75 00:05:30,180 --> 00:05:34,300 How are you going to find something like that? No, we're going big. 76 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:38,760 A company I work with is introducing the Balaclava Soundstage. 77 00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:44,380 It covers your whole head, like this. But you can already buy hats that have 78 00:05:44,460 --> 00:05:50,300 Bluetooth speakers built into them I've had one for years Good for you But this 79 00:05:50,380 --> 00:05:55,339 thing isn't just a set of headphones It has full Dolby Atmos built right in 80 00:05:55,750 --> 00:06:01,910 Listen. In here I'm surrounded by 64 sets of stereo speakers. 81 00:06:02,390 --> 00:06:06,370 That's 128 discrete channels of head-banging sound. 82 00:06:06,610 --> 00:06:10,529 Right now there are 36 speakers pumping up the jam on my neck, 83 00:06:10,730 --> 00:06:14,390 and 20 more pushing guitar shreds directly into my chin. 84 00:06:14,690 --> 00:06:20,590 This thing is giving me a headache, massaging my neck, and flossing my teeth all at the same time. 85 00:06:20,830 --> 00:06:25,250 It's like I'm at a concert, and I can enhance the experience even more by putting 86 00:06:25,330 --> 00:06:27,090 on these optional glasses. 87 00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:31,630 They project an image at the back of someone's head just as if they were standing 88 00:06:31,710 --> 00:06:34,770 right up in front of me blocking my view of the stage. 89 00:06:35,050 --> 00:06:38,050 Hey, buddy, sit down and stop singing. 90 00:06:38,350 --> 00:06:43,930 I didn't pay $300 to see you in concert. I don't think this is what my audience 91 00:06:44,010 --> 00:06:46,230 is looking for. Okay, then. 92 00:06:47,770 --> 00:06:52,550 Then, then how about these? Now those look like ordinary earbuds. 93 00:06:52,630 --> 00:06:56,870 But they have active noise cancellation. That's nothing new. 94 00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:59,030 You didn't let me finish. Sorry. 95 00:06:59,370 --> 00:07:04,890 Apparently, I only get one shot at this every ten years. I need to make it count. 96 00:07:05,170 --> 00:07:08,450 You were saying something about noise cancellation? Right. 97 00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:13,970 These have it. But I told the company I was working with, if someone pays for 98 00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:16,310 noise cancellation, they should get it. 99 00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,750 But what happens when there isn't any noise? 100 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:24,790 Well, nothing. Not with these puppies. If there isn't any noise, 101 00:07:24,970 --> 00:07:26,910 the earbuds make this sound. 102 00:07:29,810 --> 00:07:33,510 And then automatically cancel it. I see. 103 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:40,880 Well, I think we only have time for one more. One more? That's not even one new product per year. 104 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,700 Just one more. 105 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:49,400 All right, all right. You sound like my bartender. We all know that people love 106 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:53,540 their cell phones, and they're always looking at them while they're walking. 107 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:57,020 Yes, that can be dangerous. Not anymore. 108 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:01,380 Announcing directional shoes. Excuse me? 109 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:07,760 I'm wearing them right now. See? Each of my shoes has a small OLED display built right into it. 110 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:12,300 You just pair your phone with your shoes and the display shows these little 111 00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:14,560 arrows pointing which way to go. 112 00:08:14,820 --> 00:08:19,660 And they can even tell you when to stop when you get to an intersection or when 113 00:08:19,740 --> 00:08:21,460 you're about to bump into a lamppost. 114 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:25,680 Those sound ridiculous and oddly practical. 115 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:30,540 Yeah, there's only one little problem. People are already hacking them. 116 00:08:30,620 --> 00:08:36,840 So now they're playing Minecraft on one foot and scrolling through social media on the other. I see. 117 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:40,620 Well, thank you. Oh, I just got Fortnite to play on this one. 118 00:08:40,799 --> 00:08:42,960 Now, can I get a custom skin for my foot? 119 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:47,360 As I was saying, I want to thank you for coming in today, Doctor, 120 00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:49,460 is what it says in the script here. 121 00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:53,340 And I suppose I won't be back again until 2035. 122 00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:54,940 It's a tradition. 123 00:08:55,480 --> 00:09:02,860 Well, all I can say is don't expect an invite to be in my Fortnite foot clan. And I'm okay with that. 124 00:09:03,820 --> 00:09:08,840 That about wraps it up. But first, a very special shout out to the folks who 125 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:12,500 help power comedy4cast, my Patreon patrons, 126 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:17,940 including producer-level patrons Paul Barrie from the A Window to the Magic podcast, 127 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,880 Kirby Bartlett Sloan from the 20 Megabyte to Doctor Who podcast, 128 00:09:22,390 --> 00:09:28,450 Chuck Tomasi from the Technorama Podcast, and my latest producer, Kyle Nishioka. 129 00:09:28,830 --> 00:09:30,930 You too can support comedy4cast 130 00:09:31,010 --> 00:09:35,750 and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month. 131 00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:39,990 Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, 132 00:09:40,170 --> 00:09:45,270 on Patreon.com, or click on the link on the comedy4ast homepage. 133 00:09:45,950 --> 00:09:52,210 Script, voices, and original music by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2025 All 134 00:09:52,290 --> 00:09:57,290 rights reserved Talk to you again next time But for now, that's it We're done, 135 00:09:57,370 --> 00:09:59,170 done, done, done, done Bye-bye.