comedy4cast is the official podcast of printed receipts,
USB cables, and baking soda and vinegar volcanoes.
The comedy4cast Network. Let's dog ear that for now.
Oh, hi. You're here. Welcome to the show.
I'm Clinton, and this is comedy4cast, episode 859, Future Things Now.
We're going to be hearing from someone who hasn't been on the show for a while.
And you may even learn a thing or two.
At the very least, it could give you some last-minute tech gift ideas.
But before that, a quick reminder, you can support this spunky little show by becoming a patron.
Head over to patreon.com and search for comedy4cast all one word with the
number 4 or click on the link on the comedy4cast home page and thank
you. Now let's have some fun.
My guest today is someone we've had on the show in the past.
He is someone who has correctly predicted every major technological innovation
over the past 60 years, as well as a real clunker, so-called wireless pants.
Please welcome back to the show, Dr. Malcolm Edelstein.
Thanks. It's great to be back. Finally. Yes, it has been a while, hasn't it?
You know, things got a bit crazy around here for a while. What with the change
from daylight saving time to standard time and whatnot.
It's been 10 years. And wow, did that time fly by.
But I'm sure it gave you plenty of opportunities to come up with some new technological
advances to tell us about.
You still not interested in those wireless pants? No.
Please, doctor. I hear they're coming back into style real soon. I'm sure they are.
But listen, I have to correct you. I did miss one or two tech trends over the years, like AI.
How could you miss that one? Hey, it's not my fault.
After Furbies came out, I figured we had learned our lesson.
But apparently I was wrong.
All right, let's discuss something else. Do not get me started on Teddy Ruxpin.
No, I wanted to ask, are you still doing consulting work with tech companies?
I sure am, which is a great segue into my first new product.
I'm sure everyone out there in your audience is familiar with subscription services.
Ouch. Way too familiar. It's like everything is a subscription these days.
Exactly. That's why a company I work with has developed a solution.
Suprscription. The subscription subscription.
Excuse me? I know, right?
They left out the E in Superscription. I told them no one does that kind of thing anymore.
But what can you do? They pay the bills, at least as long as they can secure
another round of funding.
But what is this thing? You said it was a subscription subscription?
For one low, low, vague six or seven digits price, Suprscription will automatically
give you access to every single subscription thing.
Meaning? Meaning it includes everything. Adobe Creative Cloud,
Planet Fitness, PlayStation Plus, plus Disney Plus, plus Paramount Plus,
plus Apple Plus, plus Spotify, and Pandora.
That's still a thing? Apparently.
Huh. HelloFresh, FreshBooks, The Book of the Month Club, Audible,
Dropbox, Dollar Shave Club, Xfinity, Spectrum, and Optimum Cable TV, plus...
What about Cox? You know, the last time I was on this show, it was mostly work-safe
and kind of family-friendly.
No, Doctor. I mean Cox Communications.
Oh, is that a subscription thing? It certainly is.
Then it's in here. And so are subscriptions to NordVPN, Canva,
Squarespace, Shopify, and even TikTok, Instagram, Blue Sky, and Facebook.
Hold on, Doctor. You don't have to pay for those last four. Or as soon as they
hear about superscription, you will, Daddy needs a new superyacht.
I do have to admit, that's a lot of subscriptions.
You got that right. But not as many as you get with superscription plus.
Plus? That also includes signing you up for Verizon, AT&T, and T-Mobile,
along with your local energy supplier.
Hold on, hold on. How much does all this cost? I can answer that question as
soon as some schmuck actually signs up for this thing. Well,
it sounds like that's a bit out of reach for the average person.
Do you have anything else that's a bit more reasonable? Oh, boy,
do I. That isn't wireless pants?
Did I mention there are also wireless Bermuda shorts? Doctor, please.
What about cargo pants? You were going to give us some more down-to-earth tech products?
Okay, fine. Let's talk about sound. First, there were speakers.
Very nice. Then things got smaller with headphones.
Then tiny with earphones. And then earbuds. the least descriptive name of them all.
And now someone has come up with something even smaller.
Smaller? Are you kidding? Well, I thought... What?
You carry around an electron microscope with you wherever you go,
Mr. Fancy Non-Wireless Pants?
How are you going to find something like that? No, we're going big.
A company I work with is introducing the Balaclava Soundstage.
It covers your whole head, like this. But you can already buy hats that have
Bluetooth speakers built into them I've had one for years Good for you But this
thing isn't just a set of headphones It has full Dolby Atmos built right in
Listen. In here I'm surrounded by 64 sets of stereo speakers.
That's 128 discrete channels of head-banging sound.
Right now there are 36 speakers pumping up the jam on my neck,
and 20 more pushing guitar shreds directly into my chin.
This thing is giving me a headache, massaging my neck, and flossing my teeth all at the same time.
It's like I'm at a concert, and I can enhance the experience even more by putting
on these optional glasses.
They project an image at the back of someone's head just as if they were standing
right up in front of me blocking my view of the stage.
Hey, buddy, sit down and stop singing.
I didn't pay $300 to see you in concert. I don't think this is what my audience
is looking for. Okay, then.
Then, then how about these? Now those look like ordinary earbuds.
But they have active noise cancellation. That's nothing new.
You didn't let me finish. Sorry.
Apparently, I only get one shot at this every ten years. I need to make it count.
You were saying something about noise cancellation? Right.
These have it. But I told the company I was working with, if someone pays for
noise cancellation, they should get it.
But what happens when there isn't any noise?
Well, nothing. Not with these puppies. If there isn't any noise,
the earbuds make this sound.
And then automatically cancel it. I see.
Well, I think we only have time for one more. One more? That's not even one new product per year.
Just one more.
All right, all right. You sound like my bartender. We all know that people love
their cell phones, and they're always looking at them while they're walking.
Yes, that can be dangerous. Not anymore.
Announcing directional shoes. Excuse me?
I'm wearing them right now. See? Each of my shoes has a small OLED display built right into it.
You just pair your phone with your shoes and the display shows these little
arrows pointing which way to go.
And they can even tell you when to stop when you get to an intersection or when
you're about to bump into a lamppost.
Those sound ridiculous and oddly practical.
Yeah, there's only one little problem. People are already hacking them.
So now they're playing Minecraft on one foot and scrolling through social media on the other. I see.
Well, thank you. Oh, I just got Fortnite to play on this one.
Now, can I get a custom skin for my foot?
As I was saying, I want to thank you for coming in today, Doctor,
is what it says in the script here.
And I suppose I won't be back again until 2035.
It's a tradition.
Well, all I can say is don't expect an invite to be in my Fortnite foot clan. And I'm okay with that.
That about wraps it up. But first, a very special shout out to the folks who
help power comedy4cast, my Patreon patrons,
including producer-level patrons Paul Barrie from the A Window to the Magic podcast,
Kirby Bartlett Sloan from the 20 Megabyte to Doctor Who podcast,
Chuck Tomasi from the Technorama Podcast, and my latest producer, Kyle Nishioka.
You too can support comedy4cast
and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month.
Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4,
on Patreon.com, or click on the link on the comedy4ast homepage.
Script, voices, and original music by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2025 All
rights reserved Talk to you again next time But for now, that's it We're done,
done, done, done, done Bye-bye.