1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:05,220 The comedy4cast Network. Let's dog ear that for now. 2 00:00:06,500 --> 00:00:13,560 Oh hi, Clinton here. Welcome to the Dog Days of Pumpkin Spice Season. 3 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:20,520 Yes, August got away from me because life. So this is my unofficial extension of Dog Days. 4 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:25,240 For more information on that, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com. 5 00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:30,020 I always use Dog Days to give you 31 episodes full of some interesting, 6 00:00:30,300 --> 00:00:32,799 yet totally useless, odd news. 7 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:37,100 And this year, to celebrate the Platinum Anniversary of comedy4cast, 8 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:42,900 or PAC for short, I'll end each Dog Days episode with part of a classic comedy4cast 9 00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:46,720 episode. So, let's get started with... 10 00:00:47,260 --> 00:00:48,740 Odd News PAC! 11 00:00:50,340 --> 00:00:55,500 Dogs. They have their own parks, their own paddle, their own days, 12 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,220 even their own muh. And they have something else. 13 00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:02,960 Brains. But how much does a dog know? 14 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:11,120 That's the exact question Dr. Stanley Coren, PhD and leading canine researcher, set out to answer. 15 00:01:11,420 --> 00:01:16,260 Oh, and Dr. Coren is not a canine, he just does research with dogs. 16 00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:21,020 And that doesn't mean the dogs are holding clipboards and taking notes, 17 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:24,180 they're just, oh, nevermind, I'm making it worse. 18 00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaking at the American Psychological Association's annual convention, 19 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:32,300 Dr. Coren gave a talk on the topic of how dogs think. 20 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:37,280 Coren shared how dogs have similar mental abilities to human children aged between 21 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,480 two and two and a half years old. 22 00:01:40,330 --> 00:01:44,390 Pointed out that they are much better at fetching things. The average child 23 00:01:44,390 --> 00:01:50,630 needs lots of coaxing to go and bring something back, whereas the dogs are totally up for it 24/7. 24 00:01:50,990 --> 00:01:54,450 Anyway, I think that's what he was getting at. Halfway through his talk, 25 00:01:54,650 --> 00:01:57,710 he dashed off to chase a squirrel he saw outside the window. 26 00:01:58,010 --> 00:02:05,910 His study of 208 dogs shows they can learn 165 words, including signals. 27 00:02:05,910 --> 00:02:14,050 And the super dogs, those in the top 20% of dog intelligence, can learn 250 words. 28 00:02:14,530 --> 00:02:19,690 Four studies he examined looked at how dogs solve spatial problems by modeling 29 00:02:19,690 --> 00:02:24,330 human or other dogs' behavior when confronted with a barrier-type problem. 30 00:02:24,530 --> 00:02:28,830 And I think that means that dogs can figure out ways to get you past that guy 31 00:02:28,830 --> 00:02:31,669 at the door outside the hot new nightclub in town. 32 00:02:32,270 --> 00:02:38,010 Dr. Coren also states that dogs can count up to four or five and have a basic 33 00:02:38,010 --> 00:02:42,590 understanding of arithmetic and will notice errors in simple computations, 34 00:02:42,770 --> 00:02:46,330 such as one plus one equals one or one plus one equals three. 35 00:02:46,730 --> 00:02:51,830 Meaning if you show a dog one piece of cheese and you hide it and then show 36 00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:56,090 it to him again saying, look, more cheese. You're not fooling anyone. 37 00:02:56,490 --> 00:03:01,510 All that is great news. But referring back to those papers, Dr. 38 00:03:01,690 --> 00:03:05,949 Coren says that particular breeds appear to be more intelligent than others. 39 00:03:06,389 --> 00:03:12,110 Oh, possibly thanks to their natural temperament and willingness to learn and obey. 40 00:03:12,530 --> 00:03:17,330 Let's see. He says that Border Collies are number one, Poodles are second, 41 00:03:17,670 --> 00:03:23,190 followed by, in order, German Shepherds, Golden Retrievers, Dobermans. 42 00:03:23,910 --> 00:03:27,050 Shetland Sheepdogs, and Labrador Retrievers. 43 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:33,440 Way to hog the spotlight, Retrievers. Now, if your dog isn't on that list, 44 00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:38,100 I wouldn't be overly concerned. I hear the person who compiled the list is out 45 00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,840 there somewhere chasing cars. 46 00:03:40,580 --> 00:03:43,720 OMG, he really is a canine researcher. 47 00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:50,940 And now, let's celebrate 20 years of comedy4cast with this classic clip. 48 00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:54,660 In this clip from 2015, Dr. 49 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:56,380 Malcolm Edelstein makes his 50 00:03:56,380 --> 00:04:02,100 triumphant return to comedy4cast after an absence of only 10 years. 51 00:04:02,620 --> 00:04:06,720 That's when he predicted the next big thing would be wireless pants. 52 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,320 Let's check in on the good doctor. 53 00:04:10,420 --> 00:04:14,700 But I understand that now you've gotten out of doing predictions and you're 54 00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:17,740 actually involved with startup companies. 55 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:22,460 That's right. I'm putting my knowledge to work by making the future happen. 56 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:25,500 All right. Well, we're going to talk about a few of the things that people you're 57 00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:27,460 involved with have come up with recently. 58 00:04:27,779 --> 00:04:33,020 That would be great. But can you turn up the heat in here? I'm a little cold without my pants. 59 00:04:33,260 --> 00:04:36,800 I'll see what we can do. But let's get to your first item. All right. 60 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:43,300 First, I'm bringing an age-old technology into the 20th century. 61 00:04:44,399 --> 00:04:49,360 The 21st century. Hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves, all right? 62 00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:53,140 Now, first, there was the common pen, 63 00:04:54,029 --> 00:04:59,770 Then came the inevitable pencil. Then the erasable pen. 64 00:05:00,470 --> 00:05:05,510 Now a company I'm working with has invented the next logical step. 65 00:05:05,790 --> 00:05:08,630 The permanent pencil. The what? 66 00:05:08,930 --> 00:05:14,230 Shocking, I know. But this beauty can make a mark that will never come off. 67 00:05:14,390 --> 00:05:17,410 Here, let me draw something on your shirt. No, hey, whoa. 68 00:05:17,990 --> 00:05:20,710 All right, all right, all right. I'll draw on this piece of glass. 69 00:05:20,710 --> 00:05:25,310 No, that's my tablet. it. You should learn to take better care of it. 70 00:05:25,470 --> 00:05:28,390 Look, there's marks all over it. You just put those there. 71 00:05:28,550 --> 00:05:33,750 Yes, and they will not come off, because this is a permanent pencil. 72 00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:39,110 Well, who would want this? Oh, I don't know. Maybe some fancy schmancy art students 73 00:05:39,110 --> 00:05:44,270 with their clever sketches, and they're showing off their talent, 74 00:05:44,270 --> 00:05:48,270 always laughing at me for my stick figure drawings. 75 00:05:48,790 --> 00:05:52,910 Yeah? Well, who's laughing now that you can't erase the basic shapes from your 76 00:05:52,910 --> 00:05:56,770 still-life drawing, huh? Who looks like the fool now? 77 00:05:57,310 --> 00:06:03,670 Maybe it's best if we move on, Dr. Edelstein. So, can I put you down for a dozen? No. Half a dozen? 78 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:08,410 I don't think so. How about just one? I'll throw in a pencil sharpener shaped 79 00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:09,970 like Zach Galifianakis. 80 00:06:10,330 --> 00:06:14,850 No. All right, suit yourself. What's next? I'm super stoked about this one. 81 00:06:14,970 --> 00:06:18,410 Please, I know you have a fedora on, but don't try to be hip. Sorry. 82 00:06:18,750 --> 00:06:23,450 What I have here is a common nail file. We've all seen them. 83 00:06:23,670 --> 00:06:26,570 We've all annoyed others by using them at the dinner table. 84 00:06:26,850 --> 00:06:30,970 But they're just for nails, which is kind of limiting. 85 00:06:31,270 --> 00:06:38,150 So a company I'm working with has made one that's much, much larger. And here it is. 86 00:06:38,510 --> 00:06:45,190 Wow, that thing is huge. What is it for? This is the world's first hair file. 87 00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:50,420 Just a few strokes back and forth on your head will save you an entire trip 88 00:06:50,420 --> 00:06:53,900 to the barber or hairstylist of your choice. 89 00:06:54,220 --> 00:06:58,500 Uh, does it work? Are you kidding? Check out my head. 90 00:06:59,340 --> 00:07:06,040 Yeah, I know. Stunning, isn't it? Um, should it be oozing like that? 91 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:10,120 I don't think so. But I thought you said you were super stoked about this. 92 00:07:10,260 --> 00:07:13,380 Hey, I was part of the failed Kickstarter on this thing. 93 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,000 I've got 50 of them at home. I see. 94 00:07:16,220 --> 00:07:21,060 But one can be yours, and I'll throw in that Zach Galifianakis pencil sharpener. 95 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:25,420 No, let's move on to your last invention. All right, my loss. 96 00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:29,160 Now, this one is extremely timely. 97 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:34,740 I'm sure you've heard the recent news that Kraft is changing the formula for 98 00:07:34,740 --> 00:07:36,220 its macaroni and cheese. 99 00:07:36,740 --> 00:07:41,240 Yes, I have. They're taking some of the artificial ingredients out. 100 00:07:41,500 --> 00:07:45,280 Precisely. Or should I say, ex-maxly? 101 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,560 No, you really shouldn't. Fair enough. 102 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:56,260 Well, in the spirit of updating the tried and true, today I'm announcing the 103 00:07:56,260 --> 00:07:59,100 new and improved grapefruit. 104 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:06,200 The whoosie what now? The new and improved grapefruit. That's what I thought you said. That's right. 105 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:12,460 It's 35% more grape, 80% less fruit. No, there isn't any grape. 106 00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:15,620 But wait, did you just say 80% less fruit? 107 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,520 No need to thank me. No thanks intended. 108 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:22,660 You're welcome. Well, I'd like to thank you for stopping in today, Dr. Edelstein. 109 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:28,040 I'd like to, but I don't think I'm going to. I get that a lot these days. 110 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:34,260 Yes, but I certainly look forward to having you back again, say, in 2025. 111 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:40,299 Maybe by that time, no one will be wearing pants. We can only hope, 112 00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:42,880 I guess. Thank you again. 113 00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:47,970 So, uh, I'm going to head over to Supercuts to see if they can do something about this. 114 00:08:48,330 --> 00:08:52,290 Do you think they have an urgent care unit over there? I'm getting a little dizzy. 115 00:08:54,790 --> 00:08:57,830 That about wraps it up for today's Odd News Pack. 116 00:08:58,070 --> 00:09:01,690 But first, a shout out to the comedy4cast Patreon patrons, 117 00:09:02,030 --> 00:09:06,770 including our producer-level patrons, Paul Barrie from the A Window to the Magic 118 00:09:06,770 --> 00:09:11,950 podcast, and Kirby Bartlett-Sloan from the 20-megabyte Doctor Who podcast. 119 00:09:12,710 --> 00:09:14,090 You too can support comedy4cast 120 00:09:14,630 --> 00:09:19,250 and get episodes before everyone else for as little as $2 a month. 121 00:09:19,510 --> 00:09:25,710 Just search for comedy4cast, all one word with the number 4, on Patreon.com. 122 00:09:26,170 --> 00:09:31,770 Script, voices, and original music by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2025. 123 00:09:32,350 --> 00:09:36,510 All rights reserved. Talk to you again next time. But for now, 124 00:09:36,830 --> 00:09:39,690 that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye-bye.