The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.
This is comedy4cast, episode 805. Not as stated on the tin.
It's time once again for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to
try to put out a podcast every day in August.
For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.
Here at the comedy4cast studios, we've been working on a new format for this year's Dog Days.
Sure, like in years past, there will be an actual odd news story, but that's not all.
So, let's get started with Odd News Plus.
Here are our odd news stories for Tuesday, August 13th, 2024.
First up, alligators and crocodiles. Both are capable of short bursts of speed,
but which one is actually faster?
To find out, we sent 17 lab mice to the city zoo with raw chickens to entice
the beasts into action and stopwatches to time the reptiles as they sprinted for the food.
Spoiler, it did not go well. Sadly, due to an error by our production assistant,
Pauline, the instructions were inverted and a few of the mice didn't pick up on that.
The good news is we now know that crocodiles and alligators aren't attracted
to stopwatches and that Pauline has dyslexia.
We're helping her find assistance. The bad news?
Pixel, Mittens, and Peapod.
You will be missed. Now let's get to our actual, for real, odd news story.
If you bought a sandwich called Meat Lovers Special and there was no meat in it, would you be upset?
Or, for some of you, if you bought the Vegetarian Special and found ham slices
in there, would that be surprising?
What if I said boneless chicken wings and you found bones in it?
By the way, do you want fries with any of this, and I can upgrade that order
to a meal for just a dollar more.
Where was I? Oh, right, Ohio.
The Ohio Supreme Court, to be specific.
Because while they didn't weigh in on sandwiches, or pay for them,
they did rule on a case involving boneless chicken wings.
It all started eight years ago, when Michael Berkheimer and his wife and friends
were at a chicken joint in Hamilton, Ohio.
Berkheimer ordered boneless chicken wings with Parmesan garlic sauce.
But while he was eating them, and presumably talking about the sorts of things
people in Hamilton, Ohio discuss,
like which band they most look forward to seeing at the RiversEdge concert
series, or who scored the best deal at the Pyramid Hill Art Fair,
he felt like a bite-sized piece of meat had gone down the wrong way.
Three days later, Berkheimer was in a hospital emergency room where a doctor
discovered part of a wishbone that had lodged in his throat and tore his esophagus.
When that happened, everything he ate decided to take a little detour and exit
through the tear, going directly into his chest cavity.
Unsurprisingly, that led to a bacteria buildup. He had fevers,
a heart attack, a collapsed lung, and was placed in a coma twice.
He sued the restaurant and its suppliers, citing negligence.
The case eventually reached the Ohio Supreme Court.
Just recently, in a 4-3 ruling, the court ruled that consumers cannot expect
boneless chicken wings to actually be free of bones.
Writing for the majority, Justice Joseph T.
Deters wrote, "...a diner reading boneless wings on a menu would no more believe
that the restaurant was warranting the absence of bones in the items than believe
that the items were made from chicken wings,
just as a person eating chicken fingers would know that he had not been served fingers.".
Ah, I'll bet the first person to have chicken fingers didn't know that.
Hank, why the heck did you cook a chicken with fingers? You could have made a fortune.
In the dissenting opinion, Justice Joseph P.
Donnelly wrote, "Does anyone really believe that parents who feed their
young children boneless wings, or chicken tenders, or chicken nuggets,
or chicken fingers, expect bones to be in the chicken?
Of course they don't. When they read the word boneless, they think that it means
without bones, as do all sensible people."
But the Ohio Supreme Court has spoken.
So, as a public service, we suggest you proceed with caution when ordering the following items.
Rocky Road Ice Cream.
Welsh Rabbit. Order it by its other name, Rarebit, and you might be okay.
Steak Diane or Beef Wellington, Baked Alaska That special crunch?
Could be Pipeline, Pigs in a blanket, Head cheese Oddly enough,
it's the random piece of cheese you need to watch out for there Ground beef.
Vegetarian bacon, Egg cream Sorry, New York, you've been warned And, need we say it? hot dogs.
And finally, during yesterday's Odd News Plus show, we introduced a segment
called Coffee Conversations, where we slow down the pace and enjoy a cup of
coffee while chatting about some of our recent stories.
However, I misunderstood the concept and attempted to talk while drinking the coffee.
My producer informed me that I should finish the coffee first, Then begin talking.
I feel so silly. So, let's try this again.
I've poured myself a nice big mug of Caprica coffee here.
It should only take me about 10 minutes to finish it. And then we can get started.
That about wraps it up for today's Odd News Plus.
A big thanks to the comedy4cast patrons for helping make this show possible.
Story, Voices, and Original Music by Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2024.
All rights reserved. Talk to you next time. But for now, that's it.
We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye-bye.
Music.