Oh, hi. Clinton here, stepping in for a minute to let you know that the last six episodes
of Big Shot will begin on Wednesday, October 11th, which gives you plenty of time to catch
up on any episodes you may have missed. I'll mention how to do that in just a minute. Okay,
on with the show.
The comedy4cast Network. Let's dog ear that for now. This is the 2023 Comedy Forecast Podcast Spectacular,
brought to you by the fantastic Patreon patrons.
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who support the show for as little as a dollar a month.
This year's original 20-chapter story is called Big Shot. To hear it from the beginning, go to comedy4cast.com slash 2023.
And remember, comedy4cast is all one word with the number 4.
Now, here's chapter 14. What's past is dialogue.
Music.
Previously in our story, Detective Haartte was trying to investigate the mysterious stranger
who has come to Middling Fair to find Danny Hillcrest.
However, after sitting down with the stranger at Caprica Coffee,
it was Haartte who found himself doing the talking.
Haartte revealed that Danny had given the detective his very first case.
A statue of Venus de Milo had been stolen from the Middling Fair jewelry store and potluck betting parlor.
As this chapter begins, Detective Haartte continues telling his story to the stranger.
I made a quick trip back to my place of work that just happens to have a full closet of my clothes.
Hi! Danny Hillcrest here! Gah! Hillcrest! What are you doing here?
You forgot to givingly hand me my eye view prescription! I am not an optometrist!
You are a human being! And Soylent Green is made from people!
Ah! I don't have time for this now! Or probably ever. I just need to pick up a few things. I have a statue to find.
Is it a lady? About this tall? With arms that aren't there?
How do you know that? I took it! Damn, I'm good. Why'd you do it, kid?
I saw it on the jewelry store's loading dock, and I figuringly realized it was left there by mistake.
Why does a jewelry store need a mannequin? I thought I'd help out Mr. Dunn and have the delivery people bringingly take it to a different store.
All right, kid. Let's see if we can fix this.
After we get the statue, you can explain to Dunn that what you did was indeed done as a decent deed.
Deal? Could you say that again? Not without a dozen shots of Dewer's. Let's go!
We high-tailed it over to the Middling Fair dress shop and impromptu event planning service,
to speak with Minnie, the owner.
Why no, I don't have it. That thing was all wrong for my store. It was wearing some kind of dreadful
wraparound skirt that couldn't even be removed. I mean really, a mannequin that can't be changed?
Have you ever heard of such a thing? I guess I have now.
I won't have it, I tell you. I maintain a very high standard here. Besides,
it was blocking my entire display of mom jeans and crocheted leg warmers. I had this young man
here take it away. What young man? Hi, Danny Hillcrest here. Yes, I suggested he take it to
the Middling Fair bookstore and haystack needle placement service. A much better fit for that
mannequin. Certainly better than the way that skirt fit. Poor thing. No wonder she turned to
stone. Out of embarrassment.
Hillcrest, why didn't you tell me you took it there? Sorry, I have a reversingly regressive type mind, but now that you already know what I did,
I rememberingly recall telling the delivery people to take it to the bookstore.
Fine, let's go. There's too much fashion here anyway. Yes, I remember having the statue delivered.
And I remember giving that man behind you a firm no. Hi!
Danny Hillcrest here! What good is a statue with no arms in a bookstore?
I see. That sort of tchotchke may be fine for someone who sells comic books.
But this is a legitimate bookstore. Hang on, Mr. Turner! Aren't
those comic books on that shelf over there? Those, sir, are graphic novels. Now, if you'll
excuse me, I have to restock the D&D Miniatures aisle. It's Warlocks and Wizards Wednesday.
Hillcrest, I'd love to take a tour of every mom-and-pop business in town, and no, I didn't
really mean that, but there isn't time. Where did you have the delivery people drop this
thing off and leave it there? Let's see, I had them bring it to the dance studio, but,
they said something about it not being able to move. Then the hobby shop, but they didn't
want to model without all the parts. Oh, now I remember!
Sure, I remember getting the statue. They don't call this the Middling Fair rare statue
warehouse and drive-thru parking lot for nothing. The delivery crew seemed pretty happy to get
rid of it too. They act like they've been lugging it around all day.
Finally, where is it?
Right in here!
Giant warehouse sounds.
Holy Indiana Jones Crate-Filled Finale! There must be a couple hundred Venus de Milo statues in here.
All sizes, all kinds. I got statues, statuettes, maquettes, floor lamps, broom handles, Christmas ornaments,
menorahs, kinaras, coffee mugs, you name it.
Having a Milo was a really big craze last year. Everybody wanted one.
Now, you can't give them away. So I sold them all. What do you mean you sold them?
I have a service coming in today to cart everything out and crush it into a giant ugly
cube. Now, that I can sell.
Look, I just need one.
A full-size Venus de Milo marble, carved in Italy. Mister, you've just described half the things in here.
And to be honest, if you want one thing from all of this, you're gonna have to take everything.
This is a question I rarely ask myself, but what am I going to do with hundreds of Venus de Milo's?
Make your own weird terracotta army for all I care. The truck's here. Tick tock. Fine.
I'll buy the whole lot. What the heck?
I can put it down as an expense on my tab. You won't regret it.
I'm kidding. You totally will. I'll write you up a receipt. Now how do I get these things out of here?
Ask the truck crew. They might be able to help you out. Here comes the driver now.
Excuse me! Yeah? Hi! Danny Hillcrest here! Oh no!
We told you Hillcrest! We're done loading and unloading that statue!
I wouldn't be so sure!
After I assured the delivery people that Hillcrest would not be coming along with us, they agreed
to load everything onto the truck.
Fortunately, I was able to locate the one Abby Fallmacher ordered.
It had a plaque on the back. Statue, part one of three. What chutzpah.
I dropped that one off at the jewelry store so Dunn could tell Abby it was ready to be picked up.
She'd be none the wiser. He was thrilled, maybe a little less so when I showed him the bill and told him about everything
else in the truck.
But he stuck me with all that.
But I have to admit, he started recommending me to all the businesses in town. It saved my bacon.
Kind of gets you. Right here. What was that?
Haartte reaches into his jacket and pulls out his statement of purpose.
I promised to provide everyone in town with my detective services.
What did you say? And I...
I was a total jerk to him when he needed my help with that jewelry store robbery.
I guess I was pretty full of myself after solving the case of the waffle batter sphere. Mostly by myself.
I think I owe Dunn an apology. Right now!
Terrific! Just one more dead end. All I've done since I got here is collect a bunch of stories
about how Hillcrest has messed up people's lives.
Excuse me, are you going to finish his coffee? Huh?
Oh, no. You can take that away. I suppose I could do that.
But, waste not, want more, I always say. Enough!
I'm going back to that hotel right now and make them dig through their records, look
in Hillcrest's room, whatever it takes.
Danny Hillcrest's time has run out. It looks like the stranger's patience has reached its limit.
What will he do next? For answers, be sure to come back for.
Chapter 15, Chekhov's gun. Like the show?
Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. It's easy.
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In this episode, as Minnie, the clothing store owner, Christiana Ellis, ChristianaEllis.com.
As Turner, the bookstore owner, John Bell, from the Bells in the Batfry podcast, TheBatfry.com.
As Carver, the warehouse owner, Cameron McGrath.
As Delivery Person 1, Steve Ng, steveng5.com.
That's steve, N-G, the number five, dot com. As The Stranger, Grant Johnson, voicegranted.com.
And the narrator was played by Gary J. Chambers, garyjchambersvo.com.
Additional voices, as well as story and music by Clinton Alvord.
Copyright 2023, all rights reserved. See you next time.
But for now, that's it.
We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye-bye.
Music.