The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now. This is the 2023 comedy4cast
Podcast Spectacular, brought to you by the fantastic Patreon Patrons. Thank you.
Why not join Kalynn, Krazy Joe Adventures, Gary, and the other amazing individuals who
support the show for as little as a dollar a month?
This year's original 20-chapter story is called Big Shot.
Now, here's chapter one, Danny in Distress.
Music.
Hello, dear listener. My name is Gary, and once again I will serve as your humble narrator for this tale from
Middling Fair. We begin, as we often do, here in Chasm Valley, home to two wildly different
communities. On one side of the valley is the chaotic, accident-generating town that
spells its name with seven S's. Grassssssside Greene. On the other side sits the sleepy yet
somehow bustling municipality of Middling Fair, the town built on a cul-de-sac. Well, normally
it's sleepy. But every April, things tend to get... complicated. For instance, last
year, April didn't begin until May, and went all the way through November.
Hey, a musical. What was Clinton thinking?
Ahem. Where was I? Ah, yes. April in Middling Fair. This year, most of the good people of this
community chose wisely and have already made their exit from the Valley. An enterprising
local travel agency arranged a 30-day, 18-night cruise to Alaska, Pennsylvania, for anyone
looking to escape for the month. As I understand it, the highlight of the cruise is getting
to see the ship limbo under the highway overpasses. But I digress. Again.
Let's check in on some of the residents who choose to remain in town every year by visiting
the lobby of the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers, Middling Fair's finest, and only, full-service
hotel and apartments facility. It's right here, through this revolving door.
Um, I think it's stuck. Never mind, we can see from here. Ah, there's Abby Falmacher,
the owner of the hotel and the Little Wicker Basket Company. Little wicker baskets, they're
everywhere!
She's speaking with Giles, the front desk clerk and assistant manager.
Let's see if we can hear what they're saying.
Well, it's April, Giles. You know what that means. I do.
That annoying narrator voice is going to start butting in at random times all month long.
Hey, I can hear you.
Oh, I thought you meant we are due for a disaster. Isn't that what I just said?
Pfft. Miss Falmacher, I still insist that this chair you got for Cap is a bit too comfy.
Is this how we want our guests to be greeted? Pfft.
By the way, did you hear about today's Grassssssside Greene catastrophe?
I believe they are talking about it on the news right now. How convenient. Aging.
Keeping its perfect record intact, disaster struck today in Middling Fair's half-sister town,
Grassssssside Greene.
Early this morning, an iceberg was seen floating through the parking lot of the town's
Brace for Impact shopping plaza.
Grassssssside Greene's Mayor Barkley had this to say. Bark. Bark.
This is the town's first official parking lot iceberg sighting of the season. Turning to business
and entertainment news, upheaval in the world of cable tv continues as services struggle to make
I could have done that as a voiceover. At least our disasters are confined to one month a year.
At that very moment, a rather flustered-looking Danny Hillcrest emerges from the hotel's restaurant,
rapidly headed towards the front desk.
He is carrying a small package and is being pursued by the fancy eatery's maitre d'.
Danny reaches the desk. His eyes dart about the room. Leaning in to talk to Giles, he nearly knocks over a small
Venus de Milo statue that sits on the counter.
Sorry, I didn't know my darting eyes were that strong.
Hi, Danny Hillcrest here. Yes, I know, Danny.
Why are you whispering?
I don't want to disturb Miss Falmacher. Ooh, how lucky I am that you decided to disturb me instead.
Maybe if I push gently I can... Ah! What was that? Nothing but trouble.
What can I do for you, Danny? Oh, hi. Danny Hillcrest here. You already said that.
Sorry. Have there been any wordly messages for me? Nary a one.
No. It means no. Ah, got it.
And what was that? Just the beginning of a month's worth of superfluous voiceover. I love it.
You do? No!
Danny, what do you want? I'm not sure. It's been a tough few months.
Still no luck selling your holiday rom-com script?
Don't give up hope, Danny. You just need to keep submitting it.
Someone will show interest, which will lead to a movie deal.
And that will lead to a premiere.
Maybe even right here in Middling Fair. And you moving to California, I hope.
I don't thinkingly know.
I've been turned down more times than the Wilshire Boulevard entrance to the 405.
I keep tweakingly updating the holiday and sending it to another cable channel.
Now it's the Arbor Day story of a man tree surgeon who falls for a woman lumberjack logger.
I call it, I Stanned Her Sawing There. I see you clearly took my advice and only wrote about your own personal experiences.
Two Fortnite tournament weeks ago, I sent it to the very last cable channel on my list.
The LOW channel. LOW? The legit off-the-wall channel. They take anything.
Well, except for old Quibi content and Zach Galifianakis projects.
Nobody wants those.
Oh, I'm so sorry, Danny. It's not just that, Ms. Falmacher.
I had to borrow an awful lot to send out all these scripts.
I'm not sure certain people will be happy if things don't work out and I can't repay them.
Ah! Danny! That's just Cap! With amazing speed, Danny races across the lobby
towards the sliding door next to...
No time for Narrational Voiceovers.
Gotta go!
What was that all about? I don't know, but he... Oh, he left his package behind. Danny! Danny!
Are those... DVDs? Yes, a boxed set called the On The Lamb Collection.
Hmm, let's see. There's Some Like It Hot, Sister Act, My Blue Heaven,
and Snakes on a Plane.
Why does he keep buying these? He never even takes them out of the shrink wrap.
Maybe he's hoping that one day they'll be as valuable as his collection of movie theater
popcorn buckets. Still filled with popcorn. Buttered popcorn.
Is Danny really in trouble? Who exactly are these people that Danny owes?
And when is someone going to fix that revolving door?
For possible answers, be sure to come back for Chapter 2, High 10 AM.
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In this episode, as Abby, Bonnie Kenderdine. as the maître d, Nathan Alvord,
and the narrator was played by Gary J. Chambers.
Garyjchambersvo.com. Additional voices, as well as story and music, by Clinton Alvord.
Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.
See you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye-bye!
Music.