1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,800 Music. The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now. 2 00:00:06,796 --> 00:00:20,957 Oh, hi! You're here. Let's get started! This is comedy4cast, episode 768, Odds and Ends, Frank Talk About the Road. Brought 3 00:00:21,803 --> 00:00:29,149 to you by the amazing comedy4cast Patreon Patrons. Thank you! More about that after the show. 4 00:00:29,716 --> 00:00:34,846 Well, it's time to check out my mind and see what's bouncing around in there. What's 5 00:00:34,846 --> 00:00:41,166 bouncing the highest lately is car stuff. Could that be because my car battery died a few weeks 6 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:48,766 ago? Yeah, it could be. Of course, the idea that a battery can pass away is an odd thing by itself, 7 00:00:48,766 --> 00:00:53,716 isn't it? And when you look at it that way, we're the ones that killed them. Well, 8 00:00:54,446 --> 00:00:59,726 either that or we keep recharging them like Frankenstein trying to hotwire his monster. 9 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:07,796 Drat! Only 60% charged! 10 00:01:08,046 --> 00:01:09,668 Try reversing the polarity. 11 00:01:10,286 --> 00:01:17,905 That always seems to work. But where was I? Or more importantly, where was my mind? Oh right, cars. 12 00:01:18,806 --> 00:01:25,161 See this one got me the other day. It was a car commercial where they weren't very careful about what they said. 13 00:01:26,052 --> 00:01:32,147 It was just a commercial for, well, let's call it, Moyota. The woman in the ad exclaimed, 14 00:01:32,399 --> 00:01:44,862 imagine yourself in a new Moyota. So I did. I imagined myself right there in the driver's seat of a Moyota Coyola, cruising down the highway, window rolled 15 00:01:44,862 --> 00:01:48,782 down, radio blasting at a volume that filled 16 00:01:48,972 --> 00:01:57,822 the car but yet was not overly intrusive to the general environment, you understand. There are rules. Then I imagined looking in the rear-view 17 00:01:57,822 --> 00:02:03,342 mirror and seeing some flashing lights. I imagined myself being pulled over by a 18 00:02:03,342 --> 00:02:08,862 police officer because apparently I hadn't thought about imagining license 19 00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:15,542 plates on the car. I'm sorry officer I was just trying to imagine myself in a 20 00:02:15,542 --> 00:02:21,662 new Moyota. Uh-huh. The imaginary officer replied. Can I see your license and 21 00:02:21,662 --> 00:02:27,902 registration? I don't have any. You see the thing is this isn't my car. Whose car 22 00:02:27,902 --> 00:02:34,902 is it? I'm not sure. See this woman on TV said to imagine myself in a new 23 00:02:34,902 --> 00:02:44,142 Moyota. A woman on TV? Yes and well here I am. Then I imagined myself not to being 24 00:02:44,142 --> 00:02:49,395 behind the wheel of a Moyota, but sitting in a jail cell for auto theft. 25 00:02:49,467 --> 00:02:52,807 Thanks, Moyota. 26 00:02:53,342 --> 00:02:59,586 Which brings me to this odd news story about not choosing words wisely when it comes to transportation. 27 00:03:00,202 --> 00:03:08,372 It seems we've said goodbye to that oversized, traveling road sausage, the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. Oh, don't worry. 28 00:03:08,862 --> 00:03:12,549 If you're a fan of that street-legal knockwurst wagon, it's still around. 29 00:03:13,182 --> 00:03:22,222 But it's no longer the Wienermobile. It's now the Oscar Mayer Frankmobile! 30 00:03:23,820 --> 00:03:31,409 Yeah, I know. Why the change? The first since the Wiener Wagon arrived on the scene in 1936, by the way. 31 00:03:31,805 --> 00:03:35,469 Well, apparently Oscar Mayer has changed the recipe for their hot dogs. 32 00:03:36,117 --> 00:03:39,376 And that's the first time that's happened in... 33 00:03:41,860 --> 00:03:46,670 Six years! Yeah, I know. 34 00:03:47,370 --> 00:03:52,670 According to the press release, this new formula has a more balanced flavor profile 35 00:03:52,670 --> 00:03:56,057 with iconic beefy taste that is more delicious than ever. 36 00:03:56,830 --> 00:04:00,702 Which translates as, it tastes the same, but different. 37 00:04:01,670 --> 00:04:06,870 Anyway, now when you see one of the six internal combustion foot-long meat wagons 38 00:04:06,870 --> 00:04:08,084 rolling down your street, 39 00:04:08,430 --> 00:04:13,950 your first thought will clearly be, Hey, that semi-suggestive condiment-loving coach 40 00:04:13,950 --> 00:04:17,752 reminds me of the new recipe for Oscar Mayer's iconic all-beef franks. 41 00:04:18,815 --> 00:04:27,390 And clearly not Wienermobile. Oh, and in case you're wondering, which I'm sure you were, the people that drive the vehicle 42 00:04:27,390 --> 00:04:32,921 around used to be called hot-doggers, which seems pretty darn cool to me. 43 00:04:33,510 --> 00:04:40,890 Now, now, they'll be known as... Frankfurters! 44 00:04:42,023 --> 00:04:51,833 Yeah, I know. And all this talk about cars and weenie Frankmobiles roaming the highways and byways of America 45 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:55,328 started another thing bouncing around inside my mind. 46 00:04:55,913 --> 00:04:57,236 Markings on the road. 47 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:01,629 And not just any markings, although, wait, side note, CAPTCHA, 48 00:05:01,990 --> 00:05:05,410 I'm getting tired of identifying pedestrian crossings for you. 49 00:05:05,807 --> 00:05:08,363 They're not that hard to understand. 50 00:05:08,858 --> 00:05:09,966 Move on. 51 00:05:10,659 --> 00:05:17,873 Now, okay, I was talking about a very particular marking that sometimes shows up when you're coming to an intersection. 52 00:05:18,464 --> 00:05:24,513 It's just one word in big, screamin', all-cap intensity. 53 00:05:24,918 --> 00:05:29,193 ONLY. And that immediately sets off my mind. 54 00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:33,822 Only? Only what? Only in theaters? 55 00:05:34,182 --> 00:05:39,593 Only fans? Only murders in the building? Only the good die young? 56 00:05:39,593 --> 00:05:41,960 The suspense is killing me! 57 00:05:42,392 --> 00:05:46,362 Which is probably not the reaction you want to get from a highway marking. 58 00:05:47,037 --> 00:05:51,475 It turns out that this word is just the first half of a special message. 59 00:05:52,258 --> 00:05:59,415 One that will tell me if the lane I'm in is only for going straight ahead. Or only a left turn. 60 00:06:00,216 --> 00:06:08,273 Or only a right-hand turn. Whichever it is, my mind assures me that I'm in the wrong lane. Or am I? 61 00:06:09,137 --> 00:06:15,043 I don't know, because now that only has my full attention, the other part of the message, 62 00:06:15,273 --> 00:06:21,236 the big yellow arrow that tells me which only lane I'm in, is underneath that car in front of me. 63 00:06:21,822 --> 00:06:25,193 Should I stay in this lane? Swerve right? 64 00:06:25,882 --> 00:06:33,201 Left? Up? Just park here and walk? I don't know. My mind tells me the logical thing to do. 65 00:06:34,053 --> 00:06:34,866 Go slower. 66 00:06:35,802 --> 00:06:41,573 And slower, hoping that the traffic will move before I catch up. 67 00:06:42,410 --> 00:06:46,652 Why isn't the arrow first? That's the part I need to know. 68 00:06:47,271 --> 00:06:53,652 Is it because they want to catch my attention? Hey look, I think a giant arrow pointing in a direction I don't want to go 69 00:06:53,652 --> 00:06:57,480 would do that job just fine all by itself. 70 00:06:58,542 --> 00:07:03,241 Eventually the car ahead of me moves and I finally get to see the arrow. 71 00:07:03,655 --> 00:07:07,454 Yep, wrong lane and no time to switch. 72 00:07:07,679 --> 00:07:11,604 Ah, looks like I'm getting on the highway headed for Canada. 73 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:17,024 I wonder if they have intersections with giant letters that say, SOULEMENT. 74 00:07:17,816 --> 00:07:23,010 See, that's French for only, and I have to get my passport in order. 75 00:07:23,412 --> 00:07:24,441 I'll talk to you again next time. 76 00:07:26,458 --> 00:07:29,150 My goodness, look at the time. Let's wrap this up, shall we? 77 00:07:29,292 --> 00:07:33,363 Right you are, Sir Patrick. But first, a shout-out to our Patreon patrons. 78 00:07:34,578 --> 00:07:41,906 Thanks to Charlotte, Stan, Zach, Barry, Amy, Howard, Krazy Joe Adventures, Chuck from the Technorama podcast, 79 00:07:42,770 --> 00:07:46,569 Paul, Kyle, Steve, Bryn, Gary, Darren, and Kalynn. 80 00:07:46,938 --> 00:07:50,980 If you'd like to join these podcast heroes to help support comedy4cast, 81 00:07:51,385 --> 00:07:56,435 for as little as a dollar a month, by the way, and get episodes before everyone else, 82 00:07:56,787 --> 00:07:59,820 go to patreon.com slash comedy4cast. 83 00:08:00,216 --> 00:08:02,224 All one word with the number four. 84 00:08:02,944 --> 00:08:07,172 Thank you. As always, this is Sir Patrick Stewart. And I'm Clinton. 85 00:08:07,172 --> 00:08:10,434 Saying, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done, done. 86 00:08:10,668 --> 00:08:11,415 Bye-bye. 87 00:08:11,784 --> 00:08:13,900 Or should I say au revoir? 88 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:43,624 Canadian National Anthem plays.